How to do it alone?
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 09-16-2005 - 11:47am |
Well, stbx got a job out of state so he is moving at the end of the month. I am really getting nervous about doing everything on my own. He has had dd for the last few days so I am trying to enjoy my free time as much as I can, but I keep thinking that this is it. After this week of not having her, I will have her all the time. With his new schedule, he doesn't even know how visitation will work. I feel like I am left holding the bag. He didn't even try to get a job in state. He wanted to be near his girlfriend. I guess this will all continue to work out for him and I will be responsible for making sure our child doesn't feel snubbed by her dad. Why do people do this to their kids? He doesn't even see why I am upset about his decision. I am not upset to not have to deal with him every day, but I am upset that he can leave his dd behind and expect me to do everything. It isn't even that I don't want to do it, it is that he just assumes it will be okay because I will make it okay. I think I am just feeling sorry for myself. What else is new. It seems like he is getting a great new life, new job, new girlfriend, and I am thrown out with the trash. Worse yet, his dd is thrown out with the trash. I hate this. I hate feeling this way. I know I am better off, but it doesn't feel like it right now. Thanks for letting me vent.
neverdull

How about hitting him with a little reality-jab? Tell him he'd better get set up to have a little girl with him all summer every summer?
Seriously, though, I can understand your apprehensions. I had the same feelings when my Stbx said he was moving out. I know him and I realized he was walking away from all responsibility to our DD. He's like a distant uncle now, not a father. I was very worried. But once he was gone, I saw things were really not much different. He had been letting me carry the bulk of that burden all along.
Still, your DD is going to miss him. She is going to cry about it. Brace yourself.
You'll do it because you have to.
(((BigHugs))) for you and DD. I know how tough it is to do it alone. Personally, I have three boys, ages 3, 2, and 2-months-old. I'm a full-time student and I work. STBX lives only about 10 miles from me, yet, he barely sees the boys. They are lucky to see their father for an hour or two every couple of weeks. Even then I don't really get a break because all he does is pick them up from daycare (only two at a time, he says he can't handle all three at once and doesn't feel he should have to anyway), take them to Burger King, and bring them home as quickly as possible. So, I get maybe an hour to do laundry or take a shower and that's it. I'm running on less than 4 hours of sleep per night. The older boys cry for him a lot (less now, since they don't see him anyway) and the baby doesn't even know who he is. I have friends who have held the baby more in the last week than STBX has since he was born. Just this afternoon his mom called me (his family isn't speaking to him), sobbing because she just couldn't understand why he was behaving this way. He has all the money and free time he could possibly need while I couldn't even buy toilet paper today because his child support is late (as usual). He just blows money left and right, got a new stereo in his truck, went on a week long vacation with his girlfriend, goes out almost every night. Here I am working my butt off all day and night with very little to show for it. But, the kids will know who was there for them and who was not.
Sorry, just kind of went off on my own little vent there! Anyhow, routine is a must. If I didn't have my routines (I actually have checklists of them in a binder) my house would be destroyed, I would get no homework done and my kids would be neglected. As long as you stay in those routines, you'll be okay. Just try to be sure to take some time for yourself occasionally. I know how hard this is to work in, but it's a must. On Friday nights after the kids are in bed, I take a hot shower, watch a movie and relax; no housework, no homework, no matter how much there is to be done. The mess isn't going to get up and run away, it'll be there when my movie is done.
*hugs*