Shocked...

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Shocked...
8
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 4:26pm

My stbx moved out of our home and out of state in March. He came back to Illinois to visit the kids mid June. They haven't seen him since. I asked him if he'd like to have them over winter break and he said yes, but for just a week (wouldn't want to get too much parenting in or anything...). So I e-mailed him back and asked if he needed me to do anything to make the arrangements and went ahead and told the kids they'd be celebrating Xmas with their dad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: eatatmoms
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 4:31pm

Hi Melanie.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: eatatmoms
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 8:00am

So true, I had to beg to get my XH to take the kids every other weekend.... but I'll be darned if I didn't have something important, like a funeral of a close family member or a special event to go to and I if I ask him to take the kids... the answer... ALWAYS no. ALWAYS. He never "wants" extra time and even when I offer he says no. It irritates me to no end, but there is NOTHING I can do about it. Now I just live with the fact that I get every other weekend and I am thankful for that much. Before, we would go months on end without hearing or seeing him.... thank goodness he has been every other weekend for about a year now. ( We've been separated for 2 years divorced since January 05 and the year before, he missed probably 7 months of the childrens' lives )


It sucks, but we have to remember, it is them who will suffer when their children move on without them. One day they will realize..... one day.


Hugs and good luck with everything.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
In reply to: eatatmoms
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 8:23am
Angelena, I put in my proposal that STBX HAD to take my kids one weekend a month and that he HAD to take them one week in the summer.
Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: eatatmoms
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 8:38am

Amen! I completely agree......


It is HIS responsibility... I used to run myself ragged to make sure that he spent time with them. After all I had his newborn daughter and I thought.... god, will she ever know him? That made me so sad. SO very very sad.


We just have to accept that it is his responsibility and teach our children that BOTH parents love them, daddy ( or in some cases mommy ) just can't be here right now. Simple :)


Hugs to all


Angelena










iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
In reply to: eatatmoms
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 2:43pm

Hi Melanie,

This is surprising to me as well. I would just think that a father would want to spend a lot of time with his kids. My older brother actually has his kids more than his ex-wife does, even though she won custody of them. Plus, there are a lot of situations where he takes them for her spur-of-the-moment because she is taking a trip, etc.

I'm sorry it has worked out this way. Hang in there - maybe one day he will resolve some of the issues he has and want to see them much more. In the meantime, make sure you get enough "me" time. :-)

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eatatmoms
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 2:59pm

He wants them to spend Christmas with their Jewish family... that goes double for showing he is looking after himself and not the kids.

I recall two times when DD was 4 or 5, her saying to me in anger, "I'll go live with Daddy!" It took all I had to keep my mouth shut and my face un-reactive. While my guts were screaming, "Honey, you aren't wanted there." He likes to take her in 3 hour increments, sees her maybe 8 hours a month. Hasn't had her spend the night there in over a year. DD did stop threatening to move to Dad's, and I think she won't try to use that tack again when she hits the volitile teens.

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: eatatmoms
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 4:50pm

Yep, right after stbx moved out DD once said, "I'm going to move far away from you - I'm going to go live with Dad!" and I thought the same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: eatatmoms
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 5:31pm

That's a good update!

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