question.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
question.....
10
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 4:11pm

Today was the first time that I have seen what this divorce and lack of interest

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 4:21pm

Hi there-

no you did nothing wrong at all, if this is how your child feels let him express it. There is no way you should feel bad/wrong at all.

Children are the best at judging character - Your son sees your XH as who he is. And let him see that. Just make sure that you support your son in every decision he makes. Make sure you stay a neutral party and do not show any hate/dislike towards your XH. Your son is figuring out for himself, that a his father is just a name. He feels your fiance is his "daddy" and he knows the truth - stand behind your son.

Remember you have done nothing wrong.

Good luck - Christina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 4:37pm

Thank you. I really appreciate your response.


Not supporting my son in every decision.... what do you mean by that? I mean, should I say, sure honey whatever you want is fine... or should I correct him?


Thank you again...


Hugs,


Angelena










iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 4:51pm

No - I am sorry not sure if that came out right. I think you should support his feelings. So if he doesn't want to call your XH daddy - then support that. Those are his feelings.

But I believe whole heartedly, that every child should be corrected, punished, and boundries should be set. Be a parent and do the best you can, to show your children how to have good values and beliefs and over all become a good person. Just support thier feeling show that that it is okay to feel.

Encourage your son to tell you about how he feels about your XH - and listen. Don't correct him and please don't ever blame yourself for how your son feels about his Biological dad. How he feels about him, is all because of the way your XH has treated him and by what he has or has not done.

Hope that makes more sense.

Christina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 4:56pm

yep! Makes perfect sense....


I also believe in the boundaries issue. I try very hard to keep that up in the house :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 7:05pm

"Kevin, I've been thinking about your picture that you drew, and I'm so happy that you included everyone, even the pets!... but I wanted to be sure that you understood that even though Jesse is who you're with a lot, and I'm really glad that you like each other so well... and it's even OK to call him daddy... that you really only have one biological daddy, Allyn, and nothing will ever change that, and I think that you should call him daddy, too."


No matter what you think..... he's just got to understand that Allyn will always be his daddy first and foremost (even if he doesn't adequately fill the role in Kevin's eyes... or your eyes).


I think it's OK to tell Kevin that you had to think about this for a while because he caught you off guard when he asked you if he could just call his daddy Allyn.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 10:38pm
Hmmm that's a tough one! I think you could ask him why he calls you SO daddy and then ask why he wants to now call Al by his name and not daddy cause he is really his birth father....it can't hurt to ask why the sudden name change?
~J
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 11:55pm

What would you say if he asked to call you by your first name instead of mommy?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 6:59am

he has called my SO daddy since May 03, when Al disappeared for 3-4 months ( he would be there, then disappear for 3-4 months, be there, then disappear for 3-4 months.... this happened the first year and a half, now things are normal every other weekend ) . He asked on his own and shocked as we were when K asked, we allowed it.


I would never discourage K from calling Al daddy, never. He calls Allyn, daddy when he is in his presence and when we are here, he calls Allyn "daddy Allyn"....... K and I have had the talk about who his "birth" father is and it is understood. Kevin has pictures in his room of the 3 of us and of is Aunt Amy and Uncle Mark.


This instance was just on a school project, maybe I misworded something, but he asked if he could

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 7:52am
You did nothing wrong. You never once tried to alienate your children from their dad (he did that on his own in the past) and you don't speak poorly about him in front of the children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 8:00am

Thanks Justice :)


You are very right :)


Hugs,


Angelena