Before and After- Inspiration

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Before and After- Inspiration
10
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 12:17pm

Hey everyone!


This thread is inspired by mommyluvspunx's post entitled "revenge and a smile".... Congrats girl! You look great!


I would like to first say that divorce is one of the hardest things we will ever go through. To take something so hard and turn it into something good is a true inspiration to myself and I am sure others on this board.


I know first hand that being divorced can do bad things to our self esteem if we don't take the time to take care of ourselves. We can easily fall into bad eating habits, depression, mental and emotional torture among lots of other things.


I know physical appearance is not everything. I also know that feeling good about how you look is a start to get rid of those emotional self esteem issues that we ALL have when in the position we are in.


How about sharing your stories and any photos to help inspire others on the board?


Here are mine :)


The first was taken 12/03, 4 months before my ex left. I was even bigger when he left.


The second was taken in August. 2 years to the date after he left me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:19pm

Wow, what a difference you look great. I don't have pictures to post but I know I weighed about 140 before we split. It's been one month and two weeks and I've lost 15lbs and counting. It is so depressing, I know I look better and I do feel better sometimes. Time will tell. I just get so depressed, like today all I want to do is cry, he has already moved his gf in our house, and here I sat with no one, and wondering if I'll ever find that someone.
All I ever did ask of him was to love me, and it just wouldn't happen. I was so good to him, I went out of my way to do things to show my love and it all back fired on me. I used to pray and cry every night for him to love me, and I still find myself praying and crying in bed at night for someone to love me unconditionally. I know it takes time, but it is so hard to deal with. I do have friends that love and support me as well as a great family, but it's just not what I'm looking for. I'm sure you know exactly how I feel, and I don't mean to ramble on about my problems but I really enjoy reading what you have to say, you have been there and you know what to say to make me feel better.
You look so happy and much healthier. I just hope one day that is me, divorce is hard, and I never thought it would be this bad. As they say everything happens for a reason.

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 2:04pm

Oh honey.... I feel for you.


You know what, EVERYTHING, does happen for a reason. I am a firm believer in that. You cannot tell that now, but soon, you will be able to look back on your life and connect the dots, making one strong line to who you are in the present time. ( AKA near future )


I know this is hard. Believe me. I thought he was "it". I thought my XH was the only one. Do I miss him sometimes?.... yes. But at this point I think he misses himself and that is far too worse than what I feel....


You can get through this and you can be happy too. Make changes, acknowledge the past but don't live in it.


Hugs to you.


Angelena

















iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 4:14pm

Thank you. I really look up to you, you are an inspiration to me and I'm sure to everyone else going through this. Have a good evening, I'm going home.

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 4:22pm

Your very welcome.


Thank you..... this site and all of its members have done me wonders. I admire everyone here, including you :)


Hugs and have a good night,


Angelena


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 6:51pm
I am technologically challenged so I can't post any pictures. Sorry. I have lost 30# since he threw me out 5-4-05. I seem to be on a stall right now. I hope to get it started back up. I am currently at 250#. I hope to be below 200# some day.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 9:07pm

That's ok! What a great story.... ( the losing weight part )


Something definitely to be proud of :) A goal is great too!


WTG!


Hugs,


Angelena

















iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 10:53am

Funny that you should mention "self esteem" just as I got my little e mail from one of my iVillage friends who is a successful work-at-home-mom.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
Sun, 10-02-2005 - 11:34pm
Hi Stacy,
sweetie, please remember to be gentle with yourself through this difficult time.
You are going through a rough time and need to be extra kind to yourself.
learning to truly love yourself, deep from within is tough work. (I know, I still don't have it yet. some days, or moments are better than others)
I don't really have any advice, just wanted you to know that I hear your pain, and I'm right here with you.
with peace and love
kim
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 11:43am

It was good of you to think of this. I know many of you know my story and many dont im sure. What have I learned.....

Wow, its been a long road which myself and my ex are still traveling down and boy there have been many bumps, road blocks,interference, storms, so many things. Were still working at it and I know we have a ways to go.

I still love him and have accepted that I always will. I feel okay admitting this because he was a big part of my life and gave me my son. Sadly right now he cant bring himself to admit the same about me but I can see it in his eyes. He's never been big on sharing his feelings, he's afraid it shows weankness. He's big on pride and is concerned about what other people think. A few days ago even told me how would it look if he came back, what would his friends and family say.

He's also told me he's changed and it used to kill me because I wanted to know why did he change for this girl he's with now and not for me I dont think he really has yet, he told the when we first started talking after the 2 months of no contact that there were many times he wanted to come back but if one thing went wrong I'd be ready to kick him out again or do god knows what. I tried explaining to him that if he wasnt doing ANYTHING there would be no need to kick him out. So his "I've changed and learned from my mistakes" story may not be entirely true. He also stated who knows what will happen with him and her, if they will be together for long. He keeps telling me to leave it alone. Doesnt sound very sure of his relationship does he.

But I have to be extra careful not to get caught up in that again. We are back to hugging each other again the few times we've seen each other since court. And that if and of itself involves too mcuh emotion. It puts us right back to having a connection and it's probably not good for either of us.

Will him and I ever get back together. I doubt it seriously. It's okay though. He is on his second relationship since the breakup a year and a half ago. I've been single all that time because I needed to find myself. He needs to do the same but is running from dealing with our breakup.

The biggest thing for me to accept was his new gf around our son. Oh God did the thought of it kill me. It was like she stole the life I should have had. One of the hardest things is knowing that the man you love and thought you would spend forever with and raise a family with is picking up the baby you two made together and taking him/her around another woman to do those "family things" with. Oh what heartache that is. But Ive realized she can never replace me even though that is what it felt like she was doing. My son has spent everyday with my sister and niece since he was born for at least 8 hours and when I get there to pick him up he automatically wants me because Im Mommy. So for the few hours she will spend with my son every other weekend or even every weekend is nothing!

You know what else, just as Ive had to go through this now my ex has to go through it also but for him it will be much, much harder because our son lives with me and he will be around the new man in my life way more than around the new girl (she's 21 btw)in my ex's life. He will at times be there to help put the baby to bed and will be there for many of those special moments my ex will miss. I cant imagine have to deal with that.

The point of all this is, I always thought my ex wasnt hurting because he moved on so fast and never showed any emotional weakness towards me about us. It's just a wall he put up not to feel the pain, but he is hurting and when it really hits him, God help him. Dont keep things bottled up inside you will eventually explode. Sometimes you think you are the only hurting, you're not. Stay strong dont be afraid to ask for help its a sign of strength not weakness.

Thanks to all of you great women for being here for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 1:57pm
Hi, for some reason your photo isn't showing up on my computer but I am sure you look great. I lost weight too after I found out my ex had a girlfriend. I was so upset but that was good for me because I lost some weight I was trying toget off. My divorce isn't final yet, should be by the end of the month. Anyways, since we had been seperated for so long and he had been with the other girl since April, I started a relationship in July with a great guy. But now, as on Monday, it is over becasue he said he had "cold feet" and didn't want to settle down. I was pissed, and extrememely hurt. I don't know if it is because I am still so emotional because of the divorce, being a single parent (stressful) or what. But, anyways, what I have learned? I SO have to take time for me before I get into another relationship. I thought I knew what I wanted and I do believe I do, a great committment with someone, but I have to let it all happen on it's own. Take care,this is a geat board and an inspiration. It helped me get trough so many tears!