Did anyone do Couples Counseling...
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Did anyone do Couples Counseling...
| Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:42pm |
Did anyone do Couples Counseling after they were separated, before they filed for divorce?
Was it an attempt to re-build?
Was it useful in achieving a peaceful divorce?
Was it a total waste of time?
Any other comments?
Was it an attempt to re-build?
Was it useful in achieving a peaceful divorce?
Was it a total waste of time?
Any other comments?

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We did...... then-husband only finally agreed to go to counseling after he knew I was serious about divorcing.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I think couples counseling only works if both people want to save the marriage and are willing to work on it.
My STBX agreed to counseling because his father asked him to do it. So we went to two sessions and STBX didn't like hearing the truth about himself (that he is a cheater). It didn't seem that his heart was in it, and little did I know, he had already decided to divorce me months before and never said anything to me about it.
After two sessions, STBX refused to go back. He wanted to blame all our problems on me and didn't like hearing that I also had cause for grievance.
I have been getting counseling on my own for about eight months and it's great.
The divorce is moving along. We have a pre-trial conference at the court house tomorrow.
And I've been in my own apartment for six weeks and feel much better now that I don't have to see him and endure his disapproval every day. I think he disapproves of almost everything about me, yet he is the liar and cheater -- go figure!
So yes, counseling is great, but both people have to be willing.
Barb S.
"it was worth it for me, because it just further validated my decision to divorce him."
That's pretty much what I figured. I'm assuming that any good counselor will simply help the couple to validate the feelings that they already have, and help to amplify the "truth" of the situation.
thanks.
"I think couples counseling only works if both people want to save the marriage and are willing to work on it."
Barb, it sounds like you went to counseling hoping to save your marriage, and that obviously didn't help. I'm sorry about that, for your sake. But it sounds like you did get some benefit out of it - it sounds like you learned that your husband did NOT want to save the marriage, that his heart wasn't in it, that he seemed to blame you for everything. Maybe you did actually learn some things in those sessions that will help you move forward without him in the future?
It sounds like your individual counseling has been really helpful - that's great. I hope your pre-trial conference goes well, and that you can settle things between you relatively amicably, equitably, and with mutual respect.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Best wishes to you.
i think it depends what kind of counseling was done before this stage, and what you hope to acheive by counseling at this stage.
my ex and i went to family counseling with my son - it started out that we went because my son was having a lot of problems and when he went to therapy they spoke with us (it was a family counsling clinic), and realized (rightly so!) that the whole 'family structure' was dysfunctional and they suggested therapy for my ex and i (while we were still marrie d- in fact, we weren't at the pre-divorce stage at that time, altho *I* surely thought about divorce). so ----- my son went to the therapist, mostly on his own, and my ex and i went for 'couple's counseling'. it became very clear very quickly that the marriage was in the garbage, it wasn't a real marriage, and since my ex saw no reason to change or fix anything, or take responsibility for anything - i felt that it was time to leave.
as some of the other posters said - it helped ME to validate what i knew was true, it helped me to articulate *my* feelings, and to differentiate between feelings and facts. as a matter of fact, toward the end of *our* couples counseling, my husband simply stopped coming (cause he didn't need it, cause nothing is wrong with HIM). even when he DID come, he wasn't really THERE.
Thanks.
The more I learn, the more I feel that a good counselor can really be wonderful at helping people do what is *right* for *them*.
Best wishes to you and your son.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
After separated? Well, I guess my Ex may have considered himself separated when he came to me about counseling. Since he had been cheating on me for over two years, he was acting separated, and then coming home to me and kissing me and saying, "I love you." He definitely needed some head-shrinking.
He started seeing his own counselor about 6 months before he moved out. He wasn't having any success in anything, work, love, family, health. A month before he moved out he told me about the girl he had been seeing, told me he was deeply in love with her, and offered to attend marital counseling, but ONLY because he believed that making this offer was "the right thing to do."
Ooooh! What a tempting offer! Wouldn't you say? You won't be surprised that I said, "there would be no use. For you this is over." So he moved in with her.
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