Update on GF saga....
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| Wed, 03-15-2006 - 4:03pm |
Well the drama goes on. I called ex today to give him the info for Sat. eve. The girl scouts are having a father daughter dance. So he tells me that his GF says "So , is "K" going to be at that one too?" Kind of in a childlike manner.
I just don't get her. I went to his place yesterday and am doing the laundry for the girls so that she didn't have to worry about that. I'm just too nice.
Anyhoo, I told ex well if GF wanted to go and be a partner for one of the girls she could. Then I could stay in the kitchen and help like I'm supposed to. (Our troop is handeling the kitchen stuff.) Somehow I doubt she will go. I'm just tired of her insecurity. So far they haven't done anything with the girls room in the new house. They were supposed to get it ready so when they go back to his place on Sun. it would be all set up. I think she has this grand plan to take a really long time in doing it so I will keep them with me all the time.(works for me however not for my kids) They like seeing their dad and baby brother. Well that's the latest.
K:)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Whoa! You went to his place to do their laundry? IMHO you have to let go! If he is not doing their laundry or fixing up their room, that is not your responsibility. It's his. Period. Let it go
Same goes for the Father Daughter dance (we do that too, it is a lot of fun!) GO, do your kitchen work, enjoy watching the girls and their dads. WHy would she go at all??? Don't devote one second of emotional energy to what she said. How did that even get back to you? Your ex needs to gain some discretion. And you need to make your new relationship with him, as an Ex and a co parent, be with HIM, not her. That includes giving him responsibility for what is done or undone, not her. Do you really think it is her place to redo that room and if it isn't done it is an indication of her secret desire to avoid taking your girls? Where does he fit into this process? Don't use her to allow him to avoid responsibility.
If I were in her shoes, and believe me, I'm NOT, I would not think that an ex coming over to do laundry was helpful. I would assume there was another kind of agenda behind that, and in no way would I be grateful. It sounds like she is struggling with boundaries, and the best thing you can do for her, him, your kids and yourself is to set some of your own and stick with them.
Susie
Oooh, going over to his house to do the laundry for the girls? Ouch, was she there? For me there would be no way in hell my bf's ex would be coming over to my/our house to do laundry for the kids. This is his responsibility or if I as the gf get involved with a man with kids I would assume that responsibility if we're in a serious relationship. Do you not want her doing the laundry for your girls?
I have to ask, why is he telling you these things? It seems like he might be getting some kind of rise out of it. All you guys should be discussing is the girls. Issues between him and his gf should stay between the two of them. Talk to him and ask when will the girls room be ready. Again this is his responsibility. Could he be putting it off for his own selfish reasons? Just a thought.
I know I wouldnt want to know or hear about what issues my ex and his gf are having. Ick that's just tacky.
Let me put some light on the subject. Ex and I usually split the week. Since he was moving last week and asked if I could keep the girls on his nights, I didn't have enough school clothes for them for the week. Being that he didn't do any laundry before they moved the clothes for the girls were dirty.
So that my girls would have clean clothes when they went back to his place ,I took all of the girls dirty clothes and only theirs.I brought their stuff to my house to wash.
Actually I would like it if she was more invloved.At least if she was then I know I could trust her to also keep my DD's best interests in mind. She is obviously going to be in their lives being she is the mother of their brother.
As far as the bedroom goes,she is the one who wanted to have them stay with me. Ex said she isn't used to having kids help with a move. I did talk to him today and he said that they will go with him this Sun.(which is his time with them). He didn't want the GF getting upset that the girls were there before she had a chance to arrange some things.
My girls have heard enough arguing between them lately. He said she is starting to calm down a bit. I just hope it continues. I've asked him to talk with her and let her know that I'm no threat to their relationship. I've actually had to keep him from upsetting her more when they have been fighting.
Believe me I know all about boundries.Had I not set any of my own ,they may have never met. I worked hard for five years now to get to the point where ex and I can communicate for the sake of our children. Believe me I "LET GO" along time ago. I've told him numerous times that I don't want him back.(You would have to find my origional post, it has why I left in the first place)
He is a very irresponsible person when it comes to the details us women take into consideration. Men don't think like women and sometimes it's just better to do it yourself. I know, I had to instal my washer myself when we were married. I needed laundry done and he thought sleeping on the couch was more productive. I had to unload it (without a dolly) take the door off the hinges so it would fit through then take a couple of boards and lay them on the steps so I could slide it down into the basement. Then I had to move it into position and hook up the water lines. Then after all that put the door back on and do all the laundry. I know how to let go however I will not let someone elses insecurities be pushed on to me or my children.
Thanks for your input.
K:)
P.S. I fully intend to go to the dance.
Hi Red,
I didn't go there to do laundry only to pick up clothes.I didn't have enough at my place for them to have school clothes all week. Yes she was there and he asked her if she wanted me to take all or just what they needed. She said take it all because she didn't have time to get it all done.
He usually tells me to clear up what my girls tell me. They hear the fighting and have to get it off their chest. Believe me I'm okay with this. Have you ever heard the saying keep your friends close but keep your enimies closer. That is sort of what I do and if I can ensure that he stays in this relationship then I know he won't interfere with my life.
I'm finally at a point with him that we can talk without fighting.It took five years to get to this point.I'm not about to have her screw that up.I only get involved for the sake of my kids.They really like her and they need to know that we can all get along.
K:)
Hey girl, I thought that you did the laundry at their house. LOL, Geez that would have been awkward for me I know. But going there to pick it up is fine. Funny you mention about keeping your friend close and enemies closer. I used to think of my ex's gf as an enemy. But once I dealt with my feelings for him and accepted that our relationship was truly over and there was no turning back I dont feel she is an enemy anymore. I mean Ive had a couple of issues with her in the past where him and I would be on the trying to discuss the baby and she was jealous and would interfere. I cursed her out once and have cursed him out for this b/c ofcourse he listened to her. I was so furious at her for doing this. Actually now her and I are more civil towards each other than he and I are. Though she's only 19 and he will be 30 in April at least now she seems to have more sense than him. During the last visit she said goodnight and I did the same as well as my guy friend that was there. Ofcourse ex didnt open him mouth. Ridiculous. If it took you guys 5 yrs to get to the point where you are now, god knows it will probably take my ex 10 or 15 yrs. Im willing to "talk civil" now but he refuses so until he gets it together Im just not gonna take any crap from him.
You just gotta stand up for yourself sometimes.
I really don't even like going into his house.However this particular day I needed to do things quickly because the girls had their scout meeting and I only had an hour to do all the running. He knew I was coming over but still didn't have their stuff together. I had to go into their bedroom and get it myself. He was in such a daze that day.
The weird thing was they had set their matress up in the girls room until they cleaned the room they would be using.It was very uncomfortable.
As far as our time frame. Believe me the first 3 and a half years were he!!. I still have recordings of the messages he used to leave on my phone. It wasn't until he actually heard how he sounded that he slowed way down and thought more about what he was going to say when he called. Even this time last year he was still trying to get back together with me all the while dating the OW. She ended up PG and he stopped acting badly toward me even more. There really is hope and you are doing a great job.
Thanks,
K:)
K,
What a mature guy (I say that sarcastically) if it took five years for you to find a way to communicate with him, I wonder how long it will take before he can communicate with her? THey sound like quite a pair. So if they are fighting a lot, I wouldn't be surprised that he feels compelled to report back to you in order to smooth over what the girls hear when they are there. Not a very healthy dynamic for him and his GF, OR for him and your daughters to have all that back and forth.
IMHO you would benefit from trying a little less contact with him. If they are fighting, you don't need to hear about it from your girls OR him.
Good luck!
SUsie