Do they always come back & grovel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Do they always come back & grovel?
6
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 4:25pm

Had a bad day today....I think b/c I am sick (just a cold) and I had a bad dream last night so I woke up sad and missing the ex. I am struggling with the desire that he come back and want me back. Not that I would take him back after the infidelity and knowledge that he is in love with the OW (or at least thinks he is after being w/ her for 7 months) but I just want him to GROVEL!

So my question is how many of you had your ex come back? So many people tell me he will...I know my happiness can't rely on if he does or not, but I really, really want him to. I haven't seen or spoken to him in 9 days and the "not knowing" is really getting to me. Is he thinking about me? Is he sad? Is he working things out with her? I have spoken to members of his family but no one has mentioned anything and I haven't asked.

Just curious......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 6:30pm
Beanie, I want my ex to come back more than anything in the world. I pray for it every night. I am constantly wondering where he is, what he's doing, and if he is OK. I wonder too if he ever thinks of me. I would also like to know how many have had their ex's come back or at least try to. I am having trouble moving forward because I can't let go. Don't allow yourself to be like me. Do your best to let him go.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 8:11am

Beanie, I'm so grateful mine did NOT come back and grovel because it made me stronger. He was as undecided about our separation as he was about our marriage. He was very careful never to make any move that would take a stand one way or another---has always been that way, always will be!

If anything, I dumped him for that, not because he cheated or failed to love me. He failed to make a decision about just about everything. Who needs it?

But to be honest, even if yours did grovel, would it be in your best interest to take him back? Of course not! Once a cheater, always a cheater. You will continue to feel bad about this until he cheats on the OW (Which he will). Then you just better pray he is not back at your doorstep to jerk you around a second time.

Susie

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 8:29am
I feel the same way sometimes. I know my ex will never come back to even say he was sorry. I know his pride wouldn't let him grovel even if he wanted to. We now have a stable parenting relationship and I know that all we will ever share in the future is our children - nothing else. My life is so much better in so many ways without him and I would never let him get close to me again. It takes years to build trust and only suspicion to destroy it. However, I still occassionaly wonder if he is happier now or if he has had second thoughts. I think I continue to wonder because I haven't quite gotten over the fact that the man who promised to love me forever rejected me - not once, but continuously throughout the last few years of our marriage. On the bad days when I'm hurting I think I just want to know that he's been hurting too. Although I think I generally have a healthy self-esteem, I also think that sometimes it just boils down to me needing a self-esteem boost. I've been putting a lot of energy into my home and career right now which has been helping. I can say that my bad days are fewer and much farther between now than they used to be. I know this is cliche, but this is all still very new for you. The bad days will pass.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 9:08am

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 9:16am

Honey what you are feeling is absolutely normal. I too went through the wanting him to come back. Sometimes I wanted it so bad it hurt like hell. But deep down I knew it would have been the worst thing that could have happened. He didnt grovel but did come around in the beginning trying to play it both ways and for a while I allowed it and that made me feel worse. It's true once a cheater always a cheater! Im living proof. He cheated on the other woman with me and even on his current gf with me twice. Then I put a stop to it because what I mistook foolishly for the hope of a "reconciliation" was nothing more than him still being a cheater. That's what he will always be.

When I began to gain some strength and resistance that is when he started showing what a real ba$^%rd he is, he got mad that I created boundaries and those boundaries did not allow him to still come to my house and sleep with me, me still cook him a meal and just pop up whenever he wanted even unannounced at times to see our son. Im not proud some of the things Ive done with my ex but its hard when all your hopes and dreams are destroyed. But you should hear how he would say that he changed. Ha. I mean this all happened almost a year ago but just goes to show that a leopard cant change it's spots.

The best thing I did was create those boundaries and stick to them. It was hard, believe me very hard but once you stick to it, it gets easier. I never thought I was get over it but I did and Im so much better now. I wouldnt go back to that for nothing in the world. I remember those days of wanting to talk to him, counting the days of not talking to him on the phone. Dont call him. Let the distance continue to grow, it will only help. Just go through the process IT WILL GET BETTER, use this site, it was the best thing that happened to me, journal, PRAY, read. Talk to us all the time. We are here for you whenever you need us.

Love L

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 9:55am

My x2b told me point blank that he wasn't the kind of man to go groveling in the sand and begging for forgiveness.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***