Newbie Here

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Newbie Here
6
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 4:19pm

Hi everyone...

This is my 1st post here. I'm still trying to come to terms with what has happened to me. Long story short...

I'm 36 (soon to be 37) and I'm feeling like my world is falling apart. I've been with my husband for 4 years and two weeks ago was our 2nd anniversary. The reason my marriage broke up is because he betrayed/lied to me. I found out that he was stealing money from his employer and now is in jail. I was completely in SHOCK when I found out the truth. To make things even worse is that this isn't the 1st time he has done this. Apparently my husband has a crazy past that I knew nothing about. I feel like my life has turned into a Lifetime TV movie.

I hired myself two awesome lawyers who will handle the divorce (BTW.. he was served papers in jail the day before our 2nd anniversary). I'm seeing a therapist to help get me through this. I kick myself for wasting 4 years with this con man and feel like that any chance of happiness is over. I feel like he took away any chance of me having a family.

I'm here because I'm hoping someone can offer some advice of dealing with a divorce that you weren't expecting. This hit me out of left field. Sad part in all of this is I still love him and know that will take time to get over. Any advice or input you can give me. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: bellaluna327
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 6:16pm
Bella, I was hit out of the blue with a divorce I was not expecting and I know it's not easy. Just take it one day at a time. Do you has family or friends to talk with? You might even want to consider some counsling to help you deal with it all. A year later I still have days that I have to remind myself that this really happened. I still have days where I am consumed by grief, but let me tell you it's a whole lot better. Take it slow. Take care of yourself. Cry when you need to cry. Scream when you need to scream. I promise you it will get better even though it doesn't seem like it today. I am glad you found us. Pull up a chair and sit awhile. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
In reply to: bellaluna327
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 6:24pm

Brenda,

Thank you SOOO much for replying to my post. I'm sorry you too were hit with a divorce out of the blue. It is assuring to know that it will get better in time. While I do have family/friends here to talk to.. all they do is ask questions about him being in jail and about his past. I'm seeing a therapist once a week but also thought if there were message boards (THANK GOD for this) that I also get support.

I have this board in my favorites so I'm NOT going anywhere.

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: bellaluna327
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 6:52pm

HUGS and welcome. You've found a great, supportive community here. We're glad to have you.


I am glad you've retained legal counsel. That's one huge hurdle out of the way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
In reply to: bellaluna327
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:00am
I'm sorry that you're going through this right now.At least you didn't have any kids with him eventhough I'm sure you wanted to.I knew my ex for 7 years...was married for 1yr 4months...unlike you it wasn't a surprise that there was going to be a divorce.I got tired of feeling more like his mother and not his wife and lover.That's the shortcut version.Anyways..basically you're going to go through hell.There will be days you think that you're going to be o.k and there will be days(like the one I had today)that makes you contemplate ending your life.It's very harsh at times.I too am going to counseling because I still love my ex very much and I too am mad that I lost so much time with him and have nothing to show for it.All I can tell you is that your life will be better off in the long run.It will take time...how long?Who knows.For me..I know that if I can just make it to Dec..then things will be o.k.
Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
In reply to: bellaluna327
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 7:11am

Thank you so much for the reply. I am going to look into counseling as well. I'm thinking that maybe that will also help. I have an appt with my therapist and will ask her about it. Not sure even where to find such a support group. You're so RIGHT about my emotions in despair, shock, disbelief, sadness. My emotions change so drastically.

I'm so happy and thankful I found this board.

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bellaluna327
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:50pm

Hello...

It certainly isn't an easy time, but I am encouraged to hear of some of the steps you have taken... I can assure you that what you're feeling right now is completely normal... all of the swings... The thing I would encourage you to do is allow yourself to feel what you're feeling... if you're happy show it, but if you're having a rough day, don't put on a brave face for the world... let yourself have that and get through it...

It is great that you've all ready hired attorneys and found a therapist... both important pieces of the puzzle... just remember to take it one day at a time, and come back often...

*hugs*

Julie