I'm feeling awful

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
I'm feeling awful
4
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 8:14pm
Hello
Well I'm really trying to hang in there with how I'm feeling.It just seems that when I try to move on...I get hit with a massive wave of emotions that are paralyzing for a few minutes.Just this past sunday..it was the first time since the divorce that I actually walked further into the grocery store that He and I would go into and bought a frozen pizza and some oatmeal cookies.It might not seem like much BUT it was a big step for me.I do go into the store a lot but to just buy money orders or go to the bank and that's it.I miss doing just the simple things with him that some people just take for granted.I hate feling like this.It seems that I'm suppose to be this strong person and I really feel like just screaming and having a nervous break down BUT I don't have the time for that.
To make things worse...I don't think that I will get into bcbs(bluecross blue shield)for the 2nd time!!!I feel that I'm too slow and it's just making me more like an outsider.I wonder why I'm going through all of this.
I'm praying that things will get better on the long run.
Bye.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 8:23pm
Hello, I am glad you found us. This is a great place to release some of those emotions that are holding you back. I know just how you feel so don't feel alone. It's been a year for me and I can tell you it does get easier. I had trouble believing it myself. How could this pain ever lessen? It does I assure you. It has taken me almost a full year to get to this point. I have days that just aren't going to be good, but the good ones far out number the bad anymore. Each step you make (into the grocery store or where ever) takes you farther forward. I am sorry you are hurting so badly. I know what it feels like to feel like an outsider. You really aren't alone. There are lots of wonderful people around here with plenty of shoulders to cry on. Let us know a little more of your story. If you have any questions just type away. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:14pm

I know you feel bad right now, but that really was a huge step going all the way into that store. You should really give yourself credit for it. I struggled with panic disorder years ago, so I know how difficult it can be to accomplish something like that...it seems so small to the rest of the world.


We all have our days when we feel like screaming and having a nervous breakdown. Just the other day, I got so angry about something so simple (a pretty tame e-mail I received from my lawyer) that I thought I was going to go bonkers.


IS bcbs a job you were trying to get?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:15am
hello,
yes bcbs is the company that i'm trying to get into because they really have good benefits and it was 2 years ago that I had tried before and didn't make it.I felt crushed..mainly because i didn't have a job at all back then and it had seemed like my only hope but fortunately..i got hired on at a hospital.Now I find myself back again trying to get into this company(by accident)because I want a 2nd job..mainly day time.I worked nights fulltime and I need a 2nd income to pay off these bills and because of this divorce...anyways..I had joined an agency and this is what they had going at the time.
Anyways...I find that working days mostly is helping me to feel more normal then working nights and I really want to keep that feeling.I'm just tired of feeling like a failure.
Anyways..I'm going to try to do better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 7:16am

I'm sooo sorry you are going through this. Like you somedays I think to myself.. why not end it all and other days I want to stay home and pull the covers over my head. I wish I could offer advice on being strong. Just know you are NOT alone.

Also... thank you for replying to my post. I'm here if you need to talk

Melissa