Newbie here.....wish I weren't

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Newbie here.....wish I weren't
18
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 8:31pm
My husband filed for divorce. Kissed me goodbye, said "I love you" at 6:00 am and at 4:00 pm I was served with divorce papers. Sure, we have had some problems but this? I am broken beyond measure. My tears splash against my keyboard as I type this. I celebrated my 9th anniversary last week alone and crying. We have three children and I have a step son who is 12 that I cannot live without. He was my first baby. How do you walk out on your family...how do you walk out on your life? He refuses to leave our home and is seeking 50/50 custody of our three boys. I am wilting away inside...every day I must see him and smile for the sake of my beloved boys. My babies....my perfect, innocent, sweet babies. They know because when I got the shock of my life they were there. Husband says I should have "contained myself better".....jerk. I cannot beleive this has happened. This man has been a wonderful husband and father. I cannot imagine my life without him.

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Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 8:50pm

I'm sorry that you have to be here, but I'm really glad that you found us... everything the questioning, the everything you described emotion wise is completely normal...

I know that I didn't want my divorce a couple of years ago either and was a wreck for several months, much longer than people expected me to be... the thing that makes this all so hard, as I'm sure you realize, that a divorce isn't only the end of a relationship, it is the end of dreams of where you were going in your life and where you'd wind up at the end of the road... and that is OK...

Take time to feel what you're feeling... cry when you feel like it... laugh when you feel like it... focus on your munchkins and find something in them to make you smile... Take care of yourself... eat... sleep... that sort of thing... those basic needs can be hard to meet when you're first thrust into this limbo... you should consider counseling, I sought counseling with my pastor during my separation and it was extremely helpful... and may want to also consider talking to your doctor if you find it difficult to meet your basic needs (food, sleep)...

Please come back and keep us posted... we're here for you...

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 9:09pm
I just don't know how to make sense of this...the shock is worse than the pain. I am in utter disbelief.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 9:53pm
I am new too.... I posted the Should I stay or go message.... I understand how you are feeling since my husband just left on Sunday. It is so hard. I honestly cannot imagine my life without him. I am in utter disbelief as well. Please know that you are not alone. Do you have any close friends that you can lean on? Take advantage of their support. Please let us know how you are doing....I know I will.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 10:08pm

Oh hon... I'm so sorry! *hugs* I'm new here too, but I can feel your pain right through my computer screen.

We'll all hold each other up, k?

~~Kamma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 4:47am

Oh Sweetie - perhaps the "wonderful husband & father" really wasnt what you thought he was.


I am so sorry. I am not in the same situtation, but i can attest to the fact that the greiving & the pain with this, just as in anything, WILL subside. & you will be ok. You have your children & your 12 yr old SS is old enough that i bet he will want to continue a realtionship with you.


Hang in there, 1 month from now, 6 months ... a year ... it only gets easier.


HUGS

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 7:15am

Don't worry about the way you reacted! When you experience a tremendous shock, it's not really reasonable to expect you to hold it together. Does your H have a reason for not discussing the divorce with you before serving you the papers?


You are going to be experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions right now, all of which are normal....shock, anger, disbelief, rage, etc. The best thing you can do right now is take care of YOU, so you can care for your children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:13am

I can't imagine finding out the way you did. I'm so sorry!!! I hope that you have the support there that you need.

It strikes me how helpless you must have felt the he made such a huge decision without any notice to you. Feeling powerless like that is an awful thing.

:hug:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 1:02pm
Oh WOW! You and I are in such a similair situation...I am so sorry! I too feel as if I am drowning at times and other times, so angry and shocked! How could this be? If you get a chance, read my message "In such shock & sadness". I too, will be on my own for our 9th anniversary at the beginning of April and so sad about it! Believe it or not, I had planned a wonderful way to get a vows renewed next year for our 10 year...I guess that's off huh! My kids are my life too and still don't really know whats going on...we are still going to therapy & trying to figure out how to tell them (esp. my son who's 4) who will be heartbroken beyond belief! I was up all night last night writing all the angry feelings I have inside. I have nothing to lose so I will read it in therapy. Mostly, it says how he chose himself over his family & kids...which is the most shocking and ironic thing in the world! He is/was such the family guy, Mr. Mom, homebody and great dad! I guess I was wrong about that too! Isn't it amazing how your life can change in a split second! From everything you thought it was, to something that is your biggest fear in life! Well, again I am sorry that you are going through this awful time. I am truly hoping that it is a journey we are on, that will take us to a higher ground where we will be better for it and they will be regretful & miserable for a long time to come! I know that is so bitter...but it's truly how I feel right now!
Take care of yourself~
JNSMOM
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 1:26pm

I'm so sorry.... "Jerk!" is a good word for him.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 8:37pm
Thank you for your kind replies. I appreciate each and every one. JNSMOM, I saw and responded to your post last night. I feel like you are me and living a parallell life.
My boys and I are flying out to visit my mom so I will be gone for a few days.
Again, Thank you. JNSMOM, I hope we can keep in touch. How odd that things are so similarly painful. I too had big plans for our tenth which included renewing our vows.

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