DD surgery yesterday and X

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
DD surgery yesterday and X
4
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 8:43pm

DD has been fighting what they thought was allergies to cold to sinuses to allergies and now she has been waiting since December to get tubes. She finally had them done yesterday and OMG she changed in just a couple hours after surgery. From a child holding and grabbing her ear saying that it was "beeping" so bad. Must of been ringing and was just miserable to jumping around being a kid. It is wonderful and I am so happy.

Informed X about surgery last week actually throughout this whole time. He would get attitiude with me about "What kind of quack is my DD seeing..." To me telling him that she was compalinig of an ear ache and small fever and him saying "Well are they going to do the surgery or not? I guess I will come and if she doesn't have it I will just come right back."

Well X has had ample opportunities to come to all ofher doctor appts but has not "have to work this day and on and on and on..." Fine whatever.

X doesn't have a car it was repo'd. But he has transportation to come see his trailer trash GF here in the same town and his other kid with her. He has transportation when it comes time for him to go to the bar. Where our DD was having surgery was about 40mins from me and about and 1hr and 10 mins from him.

Well surgery time came and went and my DD kept asking if her dad was there. I told her no. She said "maybe my daddy has a bad boss like you and they won't let him leave..." I just said maybe.

I was sooo angry after DD came out of surgery and he wasn't there to be with her (not that I wanted to see him but it was about DD wants/needs) so I had my sister call him. She said he just woke up and said well I will come up later and take her out for supper.

WTF?! She just had tubes (I know not open heart surgery) but surgery none the less and we live in the snow. Why couldn't you come see her at the hospital. So he calls me at home later and asks if she can go out to dinner later because he was coming up this way (mind you it was his b-day and he was coming to see his other family) and I said the doctor said she should rest I really don't think she should be going out otherwise why would the doctor put her off from school today and tomorrow. DD said she didn't want to go with him. but he still came up this way and enjoyed his b-day. I asked him why didn't you come to her surgery. He said I don't have a car. I said but you are coming up here later how are you coming? He said my sister when she gets out of work is loaning me her car. I said but no one could lend you a car earlier to come see your DD at her surgery? Whatever.
What a pathetic piece of *^&$%^. Need I say more?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:36am

Girl,
Tell me about it. My son had surgery back in September of 05, he is three, he was having his adenoids and tonsils removed, I told my ex and politely asked him if when he came to the room he could do so alone w/o his gf because during that time her and I had major problems with each other. He refused, told me to just leave the room he can bring anyone he wants. WTF... so lets see, my son hadnt seen him in 3 months because he just walked out of his life and now I should leave the room so his young tramp can come in the hospital room my insurance is paying for. Hell no. He never showed up.

It's a shame they act like this so we as mother's have to make sure we do all we can for our kids because we are the ones they can truly depend on 110%. Look all I feel Im entitled to from my ex since our breakup is respect. Nothing more nothing less. The same respect I give him as my son's dad, I should get that in return. However, since he refuses to do that now I will not respect him either.

I know how pissed you are, I felt the same way but I just dont contact him unless absolutely necessary. You be your daughter's mom and dad until he wises up. Hang in there girl we are here for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:44am

The one thing I say over and over to myself is "I can't make him be a good father". Believe me, I've dealt with my ex and his disappearing acts and lame excuses for 6 years (Karen can confirm this!!).


Be the consistent caring person for your daughter. Soon, she will get older and the lame excuses dont work anymore. Be there for her. Keep being the positive force in her life.


(My ex has disappeared 4 or 5 times now-and now he's gone for 3+ months claiming no money for gas to get here (he lives 20 miles away). Found out he is working in the SAME town I live in...but cant see his kids???)


Anyhow....give your daughter lots of hugs. Be the soft place for her to fall....


Hugs


Deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 1:15pm
Nodding really, really BIG!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 1:18pm

Sometimes, it still gets to me, but for the most part, I just know that EX is going to miss out on many things that I think he should be a part of.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~