Kids wanting to live with NCP
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| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 11:27pm |
hi, i am a divorced stay at home mom. i am living off of child support for I receive for my 4 kids (all with same dad). my ex pays on time every month and thank goodness he does. i do rely on it. i have a little home equity left and i am trying to sell some land to continue to stay home with my kids 17, 10, 5, & 3.
it is very hard to stay home while divorced. now i wonder if it is worth it? i have no retirement, no pension, no job, no experience on my resume for the past 10 years. i have a degree but never used it. i have recently applied to a local college to get certified to teach in my state. i don't date, i am stressed out and my patience with my kids is wearing thin. am i fooling myself that I am doing the right thing for my kids by being there for them? seems like they want to have freedom from me, rules and responsibility.
my ex recently told my now 17 yr old she could come live with him. she helped me so much with the younger kids. i probably relied on her too much. now i have nobody. I did not think she would go, but she surprised me and said yes. i miss her, but i feel resentment because i worked so hard to keep the family together after the divorce, my ex wanted my boys age 10, 5 now. I said no because he travels for his job and when he is not working, he is out partying or home sleeping all day. my daughter has lots of freedom to do whatever she wants. she is mature for her age, but still being alone alot, you have to have strength to stay on track.
anyway, i never told the courts that my ex moved out of state and nor did i tell them that my daughter is not with me. we have joint custody, but it is just on paper. my ex never did his court ordered visitation. he is still paying the same child support amount. he claims that he makes less money in his new out of state job as well.
my question is, what should I be doing to protect my kids from more offers from him to live with him? no way could he take care of my younger kids with his schedule, but now that he has my 17 yr old, she could probably watch them. I just feel so vulnerable to these tactics to take all my kids from me. He wants all the kids he says, but esp the boys (10, 5). Am I just setting myself up to be a stay at home mom of none? Even though I only have 3 of 4 kids, i still have to pay to keep a roof over our heads, food in the fridge and clothes on their back. Plus since my daughter has gone, if I need some alone time, i have to pay a baby sitter (alone time is not to go on a date, but to get my hair cut, a massage or "gasp" go to non-G rated movie alone!

I say.... if he "wants all the kids".... he'd better move back and start taking advantage of the visitation that he'd got!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I think you have two separate issues...staying at home, and the custody/visitation issue.
I'm not much help with the second but YES, if you are going to make any changes, make them legally. He moved out of state? WTF? He doesn't want them on your terms but on his???
But I have been a SAHM for 9 years and I'm reentering the workforce as a teacher. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you are a better mom, it just means you have certain flexibilities, esp for your three year old. Being a working mom would give you different flexibilities, namely an income for yourself.
As a teacher, you might find work in a preschool or day care where your youngest could go with you...you would enjoy the extra money. Being a teacher is ideal...I'm home when my kids get off the bus, and I'm NOT rattling around the house all day going stir crazy. What could be better than that? My kids like me better when I work...I need that outlet to stay sane. I hope you can work this out in a way that is good for you and your kids.
Susie
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~