The decision to divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
The decision to divorce
10
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 4:10pm

The decision to divorce



  • It was my decision to divorce
  • It was my spouse's decision to divorce
  • We jointly decided to divorce


You will be able to change your vote.


Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 4:39pm
It was his decision to cheat repeatedly. . .mine to divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 5:17pm

I hear you on that one! In my case, it was a tremendous amount of horrible behavior (YEARS of it!) that led me to file for divorce...not cheating, specifically.


It's good to see you posting again! You have great insight....we'd like to see more of you :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 6:31pm
I filed the paperwork but it was his cheating and not taking responsibility for his behavior - basically he just wanted me to "get over it" and repeatedly told me "I'm not going to pay for this for the rest of my life" anytime I wanted to talk about why it happened and how I felt.

Hugs~ Lexi

"Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars" ~ Les Brown


Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 6:53pm

I put that it was his decision... I didn't want it and fought it (as much as anyone can) for a while, before I gave up and decided that it was time that child support and other things started... so I ended up filing, but the decision was made by him... of course, I had to do the work to get it done, but in the end... we're MUCH better off!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 7:29pm

It was x who abused me for 20 years and had repeated affairs bringing me home some nasty stuff in the mean time. It was my choice to disinvolve myself in his life and our marriage for the last two years we lived together. I detached myself completely. I did become involved with my current dh during that period for the last month that we were together. I learned my rights:

* The right to good will from the other.
* The right to emotional support.
* The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
* The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
* The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
* The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
* The right to clear and informative answer to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.
* The right to live free from accusation and blame.
* The right to live free from criticism and judgement.
* The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect
* The right to encouragement.
* The right to live free form emotional and physical threat.
* The right to live free from angry outburst and rage.
* The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
* The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

and chose to take my rights in hand and use them! The divorce was my idea. X had been threatening thinking I would beg him to stay. He quit threatening the day that I told him to move out. :) YEAH, ME!

http://www.studentaffairs.cmu.edu/counseling/documents/emotion.htm


Photobucket

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:31pm

How come I can never just answer these polls - LOL! Uh well, my ex told me if I didn't like him not working or helping with the kids or the house I should call a divorce attorney and I (very happily) said, "I think I will do just that!". He then immediately back pedaled and started to act like he didn't want that at all. I guess when it comes right down to it, if I hadn't made that final decison it may not have happened, but it took him suggesting it to push me to it. I'm going to put down that I'm the one who decided because as soon as I did it he acted like I was the only one who wanted it.

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 7:32am

First, I wanted to say I read your profile...that's awesome you went back to college at age 42. Congrats!


Second, I found your post and link SO helpful. I think it puts the subtleties of verbal abuse in black and white, especially the sections about denying and minimizing. I also love the "rights" we all have. Very powerful. Thank you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:56am
He wouldn't give up his girlfriend so I really didn't have choice. He would have let it go on forever as a triangle. Now, he can start a new triangle b/w himself, GF and a new OW.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 11:33am

My stbx filed first, as he likes to say he traded me in for a newer model. He traded down!

But thanks for the link, I printed it off and took it to my therpist. She says it is great advice. And asked for a copy!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 12:05pm

I asked for the divorced after he had not been around with me and then girls for 2 years and decided I didn't love him a way a woman is suppose to love a man.

Lisa (hugs)

lisa j romesburg