Visitation Problems
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| Sun, 03-26-2006 - 10:29pm |
I haven't posted in here in quite some time but tend to lurk frequently. But I am not sure what to do about our dd's 14 & 16.
Stbx has them every other weekend and I am not sure whether he is clueless or just doesn't give a damn. He is home very seldom when it is his weekend and leaves the girls to their own devices. As a result my girls are running wild when they are with him and I am not sure whether he even cares or thinks they would not try to pull anything over on him. Boy is he mistaken. He allows them to do things that he knows I do not. They are drinking and staying out till all hours of the night. While he tucks himself into bed?
After a weekend at her dad's he brought our 14 yr old drunk as a billy goat after spending the day at a friends that he knows I do not allow her to visit because of no supervision. And he says nothing to her. He couldn't possibly have not noticed because I knew the minute she walked in the door that she was drunk.
He picked the girls up this Friday afternoon and I went out with friends that evening. When I returned home my 16 yr old was here with her friends. She knows that her friends are always welcome here but I certainly didn't expect it that evening when she was to be at her Dad's. And then she announced that she wasn't going back to her Dad's that she was staying home with me. I asked her if she had told her dad and she said she had and that her sister was at the friend's that I do not allow her to visit. Not really a problem it is her home. The next morning she asks me to drop her off at her Dad's and I do. Two hours later she calls me and asks if I can run her to work because her dad is away for the day. WTF. Why does he even bother!!
Now the problem is that I cannot talk to him about these issues because he will not talk to me. He hangs up when I call and unless I send him registered letters he says that he didn't receive them. Which is a total waste of time and energy because he never responds to them anyways.
I am at a loss of what to do. I discipline them for these behaviours and they just turn around and do it the next time when at their fathers. They are playing a game and they know that he will not talk to me and even admit that they know what they are doing is wrong but if they can get away with it why not.
I am tired of always being the heavy and having to discipline them. Sometimes my 14 yr old won't talk to me when she gets home. She ignores me the way he did and still does.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this? When is he going to realize what he is doing and what effect it has on our kids. He is so wrapped up in himself that he is not seeing what is going on around him. I need help before they are completely out of control.

Wow!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Whoa!! Did I read that correctly?? 14 and drunk! There is a name for that it is called child abuse/neglect or endangerment or a few other terms depends where you live.
I also have a 14 DD and this is just my 2 cents, but first and foremost I would try to contact stbx. If he wouldn't talk to you, contact a lawyer. Also document everything!
I don't know about where you live but here, the parents can be held responsible and/or libel for teenagers actions. (it was on the news a kid broke into a house, trashed it, got caught, the mother wasn't around, and she was charged with child neglect and with vandouglisment)(sp)
Also hold her accountable for her actions; she knows that you wouldn't allow her over there because of no supervision. Tough love. My DD loves to push the envelope, just to see if I'll bend.
Think back when you were a teen, I know that I did a lot of stuff if my parents knew about, oh man, I would still be grounded!
Not to mention all the scary stuff that goes on.
Abi
Wow, that is a VERY tough position to be in. It does sound like the situation is getting serious. I know it must tear you apart to have to leave your EX to deal with their problems on his watch, but I think you have very few options now. Continue to be consistent and supportive in your household while enforcing your rules. However, if your 14 yo is drinking, that could be a sign of a serious problem. I would suggest also perhaps talking to the school social worker about the situation.
Also,