Don't Know STBX's address to serve him
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 03-27-2006 - 1:43pm |
Wisdom and advice needed.
I'm new to this board. I've been posting on Domestic Abuse New Beginnings.
I've been seperated since Nov. 2004. The end is finally in sight... I just paid the lawyer all the money I owed him from the seperation agreement and then recently sent him the final fee to FINALIZE the divorce.
That's when I hit this wall. I don't know stbx's address. STBX has moved around soo much and I don't know if/where's he's currently working. He's also gone through several jobs since we've seperated.
One option I can think of is having a process server sent to meet stbx during one of his probation appointments. Is that leagal? If I call the probation officer and ask for the next appointment, would he give that info to me... or would he worn stbx? Not sure who to trust. I don't want to be "sneaky" about getting him served, I just want to do the right thing, the right way.
I also didn't want to have to call all mutual friends/family and end up airing my dirty laundry/spreading gossip.
My other question is about public service (newspaper). The paralegal I spoke to thought that if we serve him via the newspaper, then I cannot get a court order for the seperation agreement we already both signed. Is this true? My deal is that stbx owes over $10,000 in child support and when the divorce is final, the department of child support enforcement can file a show cause motion. BUT I need to get that divorce decree AND I need the seperation agreement that he signed (that I paid the lawyer the money for...) to become the divorce decree. Anyone have experience with public service or process servers?
How's the best way to get an address or get him served? Thanks.
Loonybunny

I don't see why you can't call family/friends and ask where he is. You don't have to explain why. Just tell them you have something that belongs to him. Surely you can find out from someone.
I suppose you could go to their houses in an attempt to find him there and follow him home or to work.
I don't know if the probation officer could tell you when the appointment is, but I don't see why he would not tell you how he could help you or offer an opinion. Wouldn't it be in the POs best interest to have this handled quickly?
Hi loonybunny.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thanks for the responses. MIL got back from out of town and I asked her about stbx's address. Unfortunately, she didn't know it. She only knew the round-about area of where he is staying. Also, stbx is NOT ready to end things. Sounds like he's going mentally insane. Remember I said I've been on the domestic abuse board. Abusers are almost NEVER ready for the marriage to end. His mother was concerned he'd go off the deep end if he was served.
I casually spoke to a couple old mutual friends and they haven't heard from him in months either. Looks like I'll try the probation officer route....after I muster the strength to call him. I'm thinking I'll call tomorrow or Thursday.
I'm ready for this divorce. I'm ready to start my new life. But I need to remain patient and do things the right way. That's always hard, isn't it?
Again, thanks for welcoming me to the board.
Loonybunny
I know in tx the only place you can not serve your ex is in a court room. But as soon as he steps out you can. I do not think the po would mind telling you if he or she knew why you needed to know the information. Sometimes you will find that if you just lay it on the line with people it might get you farther. Becides what can you loose? The po is considered an officer of the court in some sort of fashion. That person might be able to help you out. And want to help out your ex as well. The faster all this is over with might help him out also.
do you have kids? Does he see them at all? Even if they are supervised if you can pin point him at a certain place and time. You can have him served.
Yes, he is on probation for the domestic abuse. But no, I do not have a victim's advocate in the courts. Once I called the victims' advocate hotline and they told me to call the probation officer myself if/when I had concerns. So that's what I've done... But I just don't want to appear like a nag to the PO... just in case I'm not suppose to be calling him.
For example, I had bad experiences with a pre-trial officer in the past (again stbx was seeing this officer because of abuse, but nevertheless, she treated me with no respect). The pretrial officer was like, I don't know who you are ma'am. What you say is hearsay, and I have to catch stbx myself (ie drug test). She then told stbx that I called her without regard for my safety. So, because of that bad experience, I'm not sure how much to trust a probation officer.
Also, to answer another question... NO, he is not seeing the children. He agreed to supervised visits but hasn't been visiting with them.
I've done really good at cutting off all contact...so good that I dont' know what he does or where he goes.. except the probation appointment. Any other suggestions??
Thanks,
Loonybunny
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Loony Bunny,
In my job I have to look for people who don't want to be found all the time. There is a service called Intellius that can find people's addresses in public documents for a small fee. My work pays for this so I am not sure what it costs but I don't think its much, maybe $20. Hope this helps.
Good luck.