I am sort of new to this so I hope that my answer is appropriate.
I got a divorce a little over a year ago. When my wife of 12 years left me for another woman it was a blow. But, I have moved on. We have remained friends and share custody of our two girls.
I have stayed in the family house. Its been hard but, by limiting eating out and closely watching what I spend I have found that we can make it.
The worst part of my lifestyle change has been in the increase in loniness. I miss the companionship of my ex and I really miss my girls when I am home by myself.
It sounds life you are having a better time of it. Thats great.
Hello, and welcome! Your answer was great and totally appropriate. We like to get a man's perspective around here!
I see you produce documentaries? Very cool.
I do understand what you're saying about the loneliness. Personally, I was far lonelier in the marriage then I am now. My STBX was rarely ever home. I went through years of sitting home alone on the couch after I put our son to bed. He would just come rolling in at any old time.
Also, shortly after our separation, I did start seeing someone who was previously a good friend of mine. I knew it was very soon, but it just felt right....and still does. I had been done with the marriage for so long and had felt so incredibly lonely, it was like being given a new lease on life.
I'm sure your girls miss you, too! You sound like a caring dad. I hope you stay around and post often!
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks for your nice reply. The documentaries I produce are mostly true crime ones for cable so they have little redeeming social value and make what I do far less than cool. Every now and then I get to work on a historical project which is much better for the old Karma.
It sounds like you have done very well in your post-marriage life. I am working towards that.
I hope that my being a guy is not a problem. I know that this is a site geared towards women but my boss (a woman) suggested that I check it out. I think she posted some on one of the boards here when she was haviing some personal issues.
Yes,my lifestyle has change but for the better. I move into a 2 bedrroom apartment. I and my 3 girls but at least I was able to be me and I could do what I wanted to do without it feeling like I had to asked permission. I pay my bills on time and I have money left over and i can buy what I want or I can save it. I am so much better off but yes I have been in a relationship for 4 years almost but sometimes i still feel so alone and that I am tired of being the strong one. But I get over it and I help my kids and I move forward with my life. I have gone back to school to get my bachelor's degree on Business and I am excited about where that can or might lead.
Well my marital problems stretch so long that the divorce itself did not cause our money problems. My ex was an engineer and he made 80,000 a year. That was until he met someone at work and "fell in love" with her. He began to have major problems at work after that. Things went from fine to him being in his boss's office all the time. He was under the microscope and he told me he was fired for not performing his job up to expectations but after he left I learned that that may not be true. I was cleaning out his e-mail and found a message from a co-worker tell him that he was getting married but that Susan (the OW) told him that if my ex was invited that she wouldn't go to the wedding. She told him that ex made her feel very uncomfortable and that he knew that ex would understand his not being invited. It hit me then that he very likely got fired for harrassing that woman. Anyway, I'm rambling.... So when ex lost his job (and I felt it wasn't really his fault) I tried to look at it as a new beginning but he did very little job hunting. He tried to start a business importing Japanese toys and videos, but he bought tons of stuff wholesale to sell but never got his website off the ground. I went to work (after being a SAHM) for 9.00 an hour and we were struggling. We got on food stamps but he refused to use them, he lay on the couch and would not work. We filed for bankruptcy. We were very poor but I was still confident it would work and as you all know it did not. When he left I got to keep the house (the one he told me that he didn't care if we lost or not) and basically everything in it. I struggle to pay the bills but I do it on time every month. I've sold tons of his junk to help me with it because although we had no money, he kept buying himself toys and games. With him gone we spend less and I have more control over our money. With him gone I am proud of my accomplishments. I am now selling my house (it's essentially sold to a friend) and I will make a nice amount in equity and I'll do very well with my move to Texas. My lifestyle will change there, it will be better. I will have a lower mortage, a bigger house and more disposable income to pay for the kids to have fun actitivies. My life is fuller without him than it was with him, just like I told him I thought it would be that first time we seperated.
It's kind of eerie...I could have written a post nearly identical to yours.
I gave up a lot materialistically and went from being a SAHM to working full time. But I have no regrets. (even though I still have many difficulties with my ex over the children)
When friends or acquaintances express sorrow or surprise over our divorce and his hasty remarriage, I simply shake my head and say, "It was no tragedy, you have no idea what it was like."
I'm much happier now being able to be my own person.
my ex is supposedly rich, and we lived a supposedly rich life - i say supposedly because my husband would spend money on a rented house - but wouldn't buy one. he bought a car - but a cheap one (and only one). when we travelled, it was always some 'deal' and he would spend hours and hours (and sometimes days) setting these trips up just to save a dime. anyway , *I* had no money, he took *my* money to pay some of the bills, and i still had to pinch pennies.
so ----- now, i live in a tiny rented apartment. but its much more convenient and neat because there is no slob living there with us.
i still work - but now i can make my own decisions. i still pinch pennies - but they are MY pennies and i love my life....
Pages
HI,
I am sort of new to this so I hope that my answer is appropriate.
I got a divorce a little over a year ago. When my wife of 12 years left me for another woman it was a blow. But, I have moved on. We have remained friends and share custody of our two girls.
I have stayed in the family house. Its been hard but, by limiting eating out and closely watching what I spend I have found that we can make it.
The worst part of my lifestyle change has been in the increase in loniness. I miss the companionship of my ex and I really miss my girls when I am home by myself.
It sounds life you are having a better time of it. Thats great.
Take care.
Hello, and welcome! Your answer was great and totally appropriate. We like to get a man's perspective around here!
I see you produce documentaries? Very cool.
I do understand what you're saying about the loneliness. Personally, I was far lonelier in the marriage then I am now. My STBX was rarely ever home. I went through years of sitting home alone on the couch after I put our son to bed. He would just come rolling in at any old time.
Also, shortly after our separation, I did start seeing someone who was previously a good friend of mine. I knew it was very soon, but it just felt right....and still does. I had been done with the marriage for so long and had felt so incredibly lonely, it was like being given a new lease on life.
I'm sure your girls miss you, too! You sound like a caring dad. I hope you stay around and post often!
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Christine,
Thanks for your nice reply. The documentaries I produce are mostly true crime ones for cable so they have little redeeming social value and make what I do far less than cool. Every now and then I get to work on a historical project which is much better for the old Karma.
It sounds like you have done very well in your post-marriage life. I am working towards that.
I hope that my being a guy is not a problem. I know that this is a site geared towards women but my boss (a woman) suggested that I check it out. I think she posted some on one of the boards here when she was haviing some personal issues.
Hope to 'talk' to you again soon.
Take care,
Michael
I actually feel like I have more $$ now.
Hugs~ Lexi
"Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars" ~ Les Brown
lisa j romesburg
I love having a male perspective around!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
We sold "our" house... the house I bought is actually larger than "our" house... smaller (more manageable) yard.
It's not always easy, but we manage.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Well my marital problems stretch so long that the divorce itself did not cause our money problems. My ex was an engineer and he made 80,000 a year. That was until he met someone at work and "fell in love" with her. He began to have major problems at work after that. Things went from fine to him being in his boss's office all the time. He was under the microscope and he told me he was fired for not performing his job up to expectations but after he left I learned that that may not be true. I was cleaning out his e-mail and found a message from a co-worker tell him that he was getting married but that Susan (the OW) told him that if my ex was invited that she wouldn't go to the wedding. She told him that ex made her feel very uncomfortable and that he knew that ex would understand his not being invited. It hit me then that he very likely got fired for harrassing that woman. Anyway, I'm rambling....
So when ex lost his job (and I felt it wasn't really his fault) I tried to look at it as a new beginning but he did very little job hunting. He tried to start a business importing Japanese toys and videos, but he bought tons of stuff wholesale to sell but never got his website off the ground. I went to work (after being a SAHM) for 9.00 an hour and we were struggling. We got on food stamps but he refused to use them, he lay on the couch and would not work. We filed for bankruptcy. We were very poor but I was still confident it would work and as you all know it did not. When he left I got to keep the house (the one he told me that he didn't care if we lost or not) and basically everything in it. I struggle to pay the bills but I do it on time every month. I've sold tons of his junk to help me with it because although we had no money, he kept buying himself toys and games. With him gone we spend less and I have more control over our money. With him gone I am proud of my accomplishments. I am now selling my house (it's essentially sold to a friend) and I will make a nice amount in equity and I'll do very well with my move to Texas. My lifestyle will change there, it will be better. I will have a lower mortage, a bigger house and more disposable income to pay for the kids to have fun actitivies. My life is fuller without him than it was with him, just like I told him I thought it would be that first time we seperated.
Melanie
In a word, yes!
It's kind of eerie...I could have written a post nearly identical to yours.
I gave up a lot materialistically and went from being a SAHM to working full time. But I have no regrets. (even though I still have many difficulties with my ex over the children)
When friends or acquaintances express sorrow or surprise over our divorce and his hasty remarriage, I simply shake my head and say, "It was no tragedy, you have no idea what it was like."
I'm much happier now being able to be my own person.
Cupcake
yes it did - THANK GOD!!
my ex is supposedly rich, and we lived a supposedly rich life - i say supposedly because my husband would spend money on a rented house - but wouldn't buy one. he bought a car - but a cheap one (and only one). when we travelled, it was always some 'deal' and he would spend hours and hours (and sometimes days) setting these trips up just to save a dime. anyway , *I* had no money, he took *my* money to pay some of the bills, and i still had to pinch pennies.
so ----- now, i live in a tiny rented apartment. but its much more convenient and neat because there is no slob living there with us.
i still work - but now i can make my own decisions. i still pinch pennies - but they are MY pennies and i love my life....
Pages