Update - OW had a baby!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Update - OW had a baby!
1
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 11:24am

I feel much better now after meeting with my attorney because I at least know what my “plan” is.

Many of you may remember that STBX filled for divorce and moved out of our home last August. He kept OW's pregnancy a secret for as long as he could. He signed a settlement agreement proposal one day before his new son was born in March. A couple weeks before the new baby arrived STBX introduced our seven year old DD to his girlfriend and told her that she was going to have another brother. DD was with them when they took the baby home from the hospital to OW's parent's house where OW is living - at least for the time being. Although I knew STBX was cheating I didn't know about the baby until STBX told DD. Last week I was struggling with how this new development could/should affect our negotiations.

My attorney is going to send STBX's attorney a letter listing all of the things in the settlement proposal that are either wrong or in disagreement. He is also going to say that I am considering amending my answer to the divorce complaint to include adultery. He will include a copy of the newspaper birth announcement with the letter.

I have decided that I definitely want to amend my answer. My attorney said that he has never done that before, but couldn’t think of a reason why I wouldn’t be able to. He’s supposed to be doing a little research on that.

He said that the adultery won’t affect the equitable distribution because STBX wasn’t taking large enough sums of money away from our family resources. However, he said that I could try to get alimony now. However, since STBX doesn’t have much income left after normal living expenses (which includes him providing for the kids when they are with him) a judge might not award alimony.

I really don’t want alimony, but I really want to amend my answer because I didn’t and still don’t believe in no-fault divorce (at least not for me). I agreed to irreconcilable differences because I knew our marriage had to end. I also knew that Ryan was at fault for many things, but I could not prove it before now. I know that I’m not perfect and I contributed some problems in our relationship, but I never came close to saying or doing anything to push us to the point of no return.

My attorney totally agreed that since I care for the children more than 50% of the time, I should be the legal custodian and residential parent for both children - not just one. That is what is likely to cause STBX to blow his top when he reads our response. He is also in for a shock when he sees how different the child support calculation is once they put the correct number of overnights in. STBX's attorney put in 183/182 overnights when 234/139 reflects reality. As long as I get both tax deductions and an accurate child support calculation then I’ll be ok financially. I’m willing to go to court over those two points if necessary since they affect the long-term. With accurate numbers then the child support should be “a wash” for now which is why STBX and I both agreed to waive the calculation at the temporary hearing last fall.

DD is starting to put the pieces together and is a little confused about some things – but at least we’re talking about it now. DS (nearly 2) is helping us get through all of this. He's starting to put short sentances together now. He couldn't be cuter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 12:12pm

Well, that definitely puts the ball in your court ;-)


I have a friend who filed a "fault" divorce about 5 years ago.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~