I tricked the OW into giving me proof!
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| Mon, 04-03-2006 - 10:44pm |
Hi
Some background:
My husband and I lived seperately for about a year because he is the military. In December we were finally going to live together again. However in Nov. he started acting really strange (over the phone) and we began arguing all the time. Then one day he told me that he didnt feel that we were compatible. Then he complained about my weight (i have gained like 15-20lbs) and that i wasnt a good housekeeper so we wouldnt be able to have kids and that i spend all our money and that is why we are broke ( I just just finished my doctorate) Anyway, we spent christmas and new years apart because he refused to come to visit my family (which we had been planning for a year) when I returned I found out that he had returned to where he did his training to spend Christmas, that he had been talking to a woman from our previous station for over a year with out me knowing. She also just happened to now be in the same place where his training was. and i found an unused condom in his room.. (we have been in seperate rooms since I returned) The condom then moved to his jean pocket and then dissapeared over a series of several days. When i asked him about it he said he doesnt remember any condom so he cant comment on it (whatever that means)
Now to the good part:
So the other day he left and I noticed that his computer was still logged in. It had had trouble logging off because of some error. Anyway i saw that there was a missed instant message from some girl that said "i wish I could see you" so i preceded to get all his passwords and then i signed in as her and waited. eventually she signed on and i started talking to her pretending to be H. She said she missed me and I asked what she missed... She said she missed the sex! and when i asked her to she was specific about what exactly she missed. Then I asked her if she remebered the 1st time and she said of course .... I almost messed up because I said "it was at your house right?" and she said NO! opps!.. But then she reminded that it was his house (MY HOUSE) then i asked her if she could remember the exact date and she said OCT. I dont know if she meant this past oct or the October right after i left because i couldnt figure out how to ask with out making her suspicious.
Anyway I saved the whole thing and am planning to print it out an present it with the divorce papers. BUT 1st I am going wait out the month and see if I can get any more evidence. Because o know he stilltalks on the phone to the girl from his training and i heard on his voice mail a girl that i have never of. That is possibly 3 women! I want to get all the evidence i can so that i can have it all in black and white. then i will aske him about all of them individually and give him a chance to lie to my face again. AND THEN i will present him with my evidence. Watch his face when he sees what i know AND then i will serve him with divorce papers!
The hardest part is waiting I am giving myself the month of April to gather evidence. I am so relieved to have hard evidence because it is hard to convince yourself to leave when you only have your suspicions (sp?) But i surprised myself because i was calm and together through the whole thing.
My mom was right she told me that when you stop crying over a man you know you are ready to leave.

I know there are people out there who would tell you not to waste your time digging for evidence and not to waste your time on childish games like tricking the OW, HOWEVER, I think you did a great job.
I don't know know exactly what "phase" it is that makes us do this type of thing but I know that I'm in it for sure! I don't like digging up dirt on my stbx, but it's so much easier to get through a day right now when I'm mad at him then when I miss him.
I basically "tricked" my stbx in to admitting to me about having sex with the OW. He vowed to lie about it if I ever told anyone....but I have peace in leaving holding my head high because that was proof he was a cheater. He always made it out like I was wrong for calling him a cheater, that he only was friends with these girls. All the while he was having sex with the OW.
It's nice for once to hold some proof in your hand once in a while that shows you're not all that bad and that the cheating spouse is just that.
Justmee06
Thanks for the support
I know some people think it is immature. and maybe it is... but after he has lied to my face so many times. and made me feel bad for not "really trying" to rebuild our relationship becuse i couldn't get over that nagging feeling that something was wrong. Now i know that i am not crazy and paranoid and that i can trust my instincts and it is a good feeling.... I want the rest of the info because i dont want to have to hear "it was just one time, it will never happen again" when again i know in my heart that it has been an ongoing issue.
Plus i didnt want my in-laws (mainly his mom & sister who i love) to think i left without reason and ruined a "perfect relationship"
OMG... LMAO!!!! GOOD for you!!! At least you know the truth now.
PS This will teach him never to leave his IM open. muhahahahah... ;)