every 2nd weekend alone
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| Fri, 04-07-2006 - 12:54pm |
Hi, I just wanted to find out whether any other divorced women have the problem of finding something to do and feeling alone when your kids are spending every 2nd weekend with their dad. I am 40 years old, divorced for 5 years with an 8 year old son. I work fulltime and am pretty busy between work, raising my son and keeping everything organized. But when my son goes to spend the weekend with his dad every 2nd weekend I feel lost. Usually I spend Saturday catching up on errands, cleaning the house and doing the groceries. Saturday night I go out with two girlfriends to a nightclub (but I still haven't met the right guy there and it's doubtful that I will after all this time). Then, since I'm getting to sleep at 4 am I'm usually too tired on Sunday to do too much and then my son gets back home from his dad's at 5 pm. I find it is worse in the summer when the sun is shining and everyone is having a good time but I'm running around to the stores on Saturday and then Sunday I'm alone on a beautiful day but usually too tired to go to the gym or do much.
I've had people tell me that I should join a club to meet other women but honestly, I am so busy at work and spending time with my son in the evenings that I don't have time. The two girls I go out with on a Saturday night are just really companions that I have known for about 4 years who only really want to go together every few weeks to go out on the town.
Does anyone else feel that every 2nd weekend is wasted and lonely and do you other divorced women have any ideas on how to make it more bearable? Thanks.

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Oh yes, absolutely!
I'm new at this. STBX has only had the girls for 2 overnights so far. I really love having some time to myself. I mean I REALLY Needed it after 8+ years with a husband who refused to participate. He only does one night on weekends when it is convenient for him, but its a start.
I was told that dating is off limits for the first year, and that I need to use that time to redecorate my house, get to know my 'self', learn to do household repairs and get some 'me time' such as a manicure/massage, etc. HEL-LO! I've been alone for all this time with only married women friends for company. My house feels like a trap. I have no interest in decorating right now. And I have had quite a lot of me time, thanks, I need some WE time.
I've started singing in the church choir so I have somewhere to go on Sunday AM. Luckily I really like my church.
What I would like to do is go to a play, a dance, or music performance, have an adult conversation with intelligent people, hike on the many trails we have nearby. Can't enjoy any of that without companionship. I don't MIND doing things alone, but what is the point?
I'm planning on joining Parents Without Partners in the hopes that there will be some weekend events I can participate in. But I don't really want to meet new friends. I have a ton of perfectly good friends, but they just happen to be married. Plus, PWP meets on a Thursday evening, which is when I have choir practice and i already have a hard enough time figuring out child care on a weeknight as it is.
I don't want to rush into a new relationship, but I can see why people do it! What I want is a friendly, intelligent man to spend time with but not get heavily involved with.
I've also been told that what I need is a gay guy friend. How does one advertise for a friend like that if one is not available???
So I took a huge plunge and found myself a guy friend, who happens to not be gay, who happens to be single. He is a bit older, doesn't seem the type to rush into anything. So far we have had what I do not feel are dates: Coffee, a walk, a Sunday drive+walk at a park. I have no idea what the future holds for us. He has been the perfect gentleman and is good company. For now it is very nice to be able to get out of the house to do something other than shopping. Of course, I don't want him to get hurt any more than I want to get hurt, so I think I'm walking a fine line.
I'm sorry I have no answers for you, but you are not alone!
Susie
You are definately not alone. I often feel like I could use a gay guy friend as well. I have women friends, but they are all married with children. I'm always welcome to hang out with them, but that usually ends up meaning that I'm welcome to hang out with them and their spouse and/or kids which just makes me feel more alone when my kids are with their father.
I do go shopping, attend to errands, and do a lot of housework/yardwork during my weekends by myself. I generally have enough to keep me pretty busy, but I still get really lonely, especially at night.
I am new to this board, but am separated. I too feel lonlely when my boys are gone.
Carol, In love with the most beautiful woman in the world.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
well - look at it this way. you are 40, and you have a weekend that you can spend ANY WAY YOU LIKE. it may just be time for you to make a 'life' for yourself that doesn't involve your family/kids/husband.
i know its hard, i have been thru it myself. but in a way - its also a fun challenge. first of all - take the time for yourself. i remember when my son was 3 and we got divorced, and when my ex would take him for the weekend (it was one weekend a month, and he stopped doing it after 2 year...) i would sleep alot, rest alot. i joined a group of other single moms so that we could get together when i needed it.
hugs...
Hey, going out on that Saturday night with your friends sounds like fun! I think you have a better social life than I do ;)
But I do understand about feeling lonely and having little other time besides those weekends to develop new interests and things to do. For the most part, I either have my son, or I'm working. Some of the other ladies do have good suggestions, however, I understand your concern where some of those things might spill over into your regular week. Makes it a challenge, doesn't it?
I'd say take those weekends and paper yourself! Even if you don't have lots to do with other people. Treat yourself well, sleep in, make meals you enjoy, watch movies that you want, etc.
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks so much for all your suggestions. I guess the real problem is that I have always been terrified of being alone and I think that there's something wrong with being by myself. I look around my neighbourhood and I never notice the single people....only the happy couples with their children going for walks. It's probably ironic that I've been left alone since I am so terrified of being alone....it's like a life lesson that has to be faced. I even go so far as to hide my car in the garage so the neighbours don't know I'm home alone because I had a neighbour say to me that she was so tired of seeing me by myself that I was welcome to come to her house for a candle party....I felt so ashamed after she said that I didn't even go to the party...I felt like she had so much pity for me. I will, try, though to keep a positive attitude and maybe I'll make it a ritual to go to the gym every Saturday and Sunday because at least that's a place that I might connect with someone. The only reason I keep going back to the nightclub is because I like chatting with my 2 friends and I have had several dates with guys who I met there so I figure that's better than nothing.
Thanks for the support.
HUGS to you! It seems like other people have the perfect lives on the outside, but that is FAR fom the truth. When my STBX and I were together, I'm sure people thought we had a good life, but I was actually miserable.
As for being invited to the candle party...I would go next time! I'm sure she just had some concern for you, not pity. Maybe she knows what it feels like to be alone and lonely. If I felt someone were going through a tough time, I would love to be able to reach out and spend some time with them.
And lastly, don't be so hard on yourself. I think the fact that you have the girls night out and belong to a gym are great. Many people don't even have small things they do for themselves. And remember, this board is here when you have downtime!
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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