Trying NOT to get my hopes up .. but ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Trying NOT to get my hopes up .. but ...
14
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 6:16am

After sending my atty a quite furious letter re: the continued putting off of my trail date (sometimes him, sometimes STBX's atty, & sometimes the court) & stating how i felt about it. Here is some of the letter:


"I am very disillusioned with this whole court system.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 9:23am

I'm trying to conceal my grins so that I don't jinx ya.... but that is fantastic news.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 9:30am

Oh MAN! Let me tell you ...... i can be as passive-aggressive as the next person!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 9:37am
Girl.... I have complete confidence that you can back up your talk with action.... being reasonable and fair, of course!... but no sense being a doormat either.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 1:18pm

I can relate to the feelings of wanting to pull one's hair out from waiting so long!!! It seems like every time I turn around, it's ANOTHER month or two before there's another court date that gets postponed! At this point, it's been eight months for me, so not nearly as long as the 14 months you've gone through.


I really hopes this resolves for you soon. We'll be here to party with you when it does :0)


PS - How's the man situation?




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Avatar for mom2dylan2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 3:56pm

Rebecca,

I've been following your posts on this board as well as on the Domestic Abuse board, which is where I normally post. I sort of feel like I know you and Avery! I've been lurking on this board also, trying to get inspiration listening to the stories of others as well as work up the courage to actually GET divorced.

H is emotionally abusive as well - yours sounds like a REAL piece of work. Ugh. My biggest fears, naturally like any parent, are how divorce will affect my kids - who are just my life at this point. DS is almost 5 and DD just turned 3. H is great with them, usually. There are times when he's verbally/emotionally abusive with them - not nearly to the extent as he can be with me. It just seems to me that his way of establishing control - over all of us - is fear. He likes it when they say to him "you scared me!" So, this is not the way I want my kids to grow up.

I just wanted to let you know that you are very much an inspiration to me. You seem to handle things so well with Avery. She sounds like such a sweet little girl. I too will want my kids in counseling and have already gotten some references for when I eventually get to the point of leaving. I fear the unknown of course. I fear he will "use" the kids to get to me and to make me feel guilty as hell. I think I'm finally nearing the point where I know they will be better off with us not together. I don't know how much longer I can explain away why daddy isn't home in the morning or why he gets home in the middle of the night. Who comes home at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 a.m. when they have children? Nothing good can be happening at that point. They don't need to see a hung-over father on the couch 2 - 3 times a week.

So many of the situations you are in are my biggest fears and I applaud you for pushing on through all of this. A divorce dragging on 14 months? What a nightmare. Did you have a separation agreement established at the beginning? I'm thinking that's what I'd have to do with H. I guess I'm just trying to learn as much as I can about divorce (and emotional abuse) before I start the process because I DO NOT WANT TO BE TALKED INTO STAYING!!! I want to be ready to leave.

Oh, also, a 20K LEGAL BILL - YIKES!! I don't know how in the world I will afford this either. H spends $$$ like it's water. I can't even get all of our bills paid on time. How in the world will I have the $$$ to divorce?!? I guess figuring that out will be part of my planning....

I am hoping that the settlement agreement will actually happen. I truly want this all to end for you. Hang in there and stay strong.

Big {{{HUGS}}}
Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 4:00pm

Just a hug to you, Lisa... from another who had to find the courage to leave... It really gets easier as time goes on, and yes... Rebecca certainly is an inspiration!

Avatar for mom2dylan2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 4:46pm

Thanks so much for your encouragement. I was surprised to see a response to me!

I'm so glad I found this board. Contemplating a divorce is unimaginably difficult. You ladies all seem to help each other out so well. It's nice to have a place to go when no one else can really relate. Thank you again. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 4:50pm

Wow...congratulations on the possible good news!! I don't know how you are doing it, I would have either a)lost my mind by now, or b)gone bankrupt paying all those bills of his!
Are you going to get refunded the money you have been spending on insurance premiums for him??? Oh that would frustrate me beyond words. I'm so sorry you've been going through this, hopefully an end is near!!!!!!!!

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 6:33pm
I wish you all the luck so that you can properly move on with your life! Your STBX sounds like an even bigger jack*ss than mine -- and mine's a pretty big one. I plan to CELEBRATE when it's all over!!!!! Chin up, Belinda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 3:09am

Lisa, thank you so much for your words. It means a lot to me that sharing my story here can help someone else. In addition to getting TONS of help & support (mostly! ONE poster told me a couple months ago on another baord that i was using my dd as a pawn, & another told me that she was "afriad to be around when my dd was a teenager b/c my dating b4 she was grown & out of the house would ruin her for life & was very very selfish .... dd doesnt even KNOW I am dating anyway! Sheesh!), talking about it here helps me know i maybe helping someone else.


Anyway, atty bill wise - dont compare mine. He is the "best" (cough - sputter) in the state & is $350/hr. Most bills wont & SHOULDNT be so high - but b/w his price & my X, its pathetic.


Please dont ever hesitate to E me thru my profile. Truly. I know whats its like to live what you are. I can tell you that as scary a step as it was to take, to FINALLY make the final decision that i was DONE ... life has NEVER been sweeter. I just coudlnt fathom my poor baby still living in the stress-filled nagative, walking-on-eggshells household another minute.


You will get there ... you have to.

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