New here. Filed yesterday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
New here. Filed yesterday.
5
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 8:43pm

I filed for divorce on Tuesday. Recently found out that my husband (of 2 years next month, together for 6 years) had a girlfriend. One that he apparently wasn't ready to give up. For a month and a half he promised to end it with her -- week one he convinced me that it was already over when I heard the voicemail that she left on his cell phone (she was crying about wanting to be with him), week two he admitted that it wasn't over but promised to end it, a few days later I caught them together in her car with her two kids (a newborn and a toddler -- her H's children). He moved out. Said it was over. Two hours later he wanted to be in my life and make our marriage work. He couldn't give up on his family, and he was in love with me. Week three we didn't speak much. Week four I gave him an ultimatim to call and end it with her. He just couldn't do it YET... he would the next day but never did. He couldn't do it then either. That Monday I saw an attorney for a seperation consultation. Week five he maintained that he wanted to be together, wanted to make it work, couldn't walk out on his family. Said that he did not want a divorce. Asked him again the next day. He said part of me does want a divorce part of me doesn't. I asked him again a bit later and he said, well obviously I'm not willing to do what it takes to make our marriage work. If I was going to, I would have done it already. I can't keep dragging you along. Since I'm not willing to do what it takes, then we might as well file. Translation: I don't want a divorce, but I don't want to get rid of my girlfriend either. But I guess that you won't put up with that, so I guess that we should get a divorce. I filed for divorce two days later. He should be getting served with papers at work anytime... he doesn't know that I filed. I'm not sure how he will react when he gets the papers, but I am done. I am fricking done. I can't do this anymore. I am sick of the lies, the manipulation and the person that he has become. I was devestated at first, but now I am happy to be free of him. He drug me down and betrayed me in the worst way possible. I wasn't happy in our marriage before this happened because he was never there -- he worked a lot and was never present when he was present. He didn't help with much around the house. And after our DD was born, he became someone else and hardly helped at all. He turned into someone else. Someone that I don't like very much. This is going to be a new beginning for our daugther and I. I think that maybe he has done me a favor in the long-run. Now I can start over and be free of a lying, cheating, manipulative, lazy, immature and insensetive person who couldn't stop cheating to save his life. And now I don't have to deal with his crap anymore -- at least not how I did before. I am bipolar about the whole thing. Estatic one minute and devestated the next. It wasn't always bad, but it has been. I just couldn't live this way anymore. So I'm not going to. I'm taking charge of my own life. Even though this is going to be hard... I know that things are going to work out just fine.


Summer

 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 8:09am
You will continue to have up and down feelings. That's very normal. Congrats to you for finding the strength and filing! I am HUGE about saving marriages but from what you wrote, you would have been the only one working on yours and that can't happen. So is his OW married? Geez how disgusting. You've got some emotional times ahead and I am sure some tough times but getting rid of him will only make your life better in the long run. Keep coming back and sharing!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 10:36am


If you ever question your decision throughout the process, read those words again! It sounds like you gave this marriage more than a reasonable chance. You can't fix a relationship by yourself. You're right, your life will be difficult and emotional for a while, but it will be SO much more rewarding and peaceful once you don't have to deal with neglect and cheating.




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 10:37am
Oh yeah the OW is married with two kids... she was pregnant when dh started the affair... disgusting. And she brought her kids along to have an affair with my husband. Nice. Yes I would've been the only one working on things.

 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 12:05pm

hugs and welcome.

boy - your STBX sounds like a real piece of work (so does his gf ----- going out with a married guy with two babies in the car??? reallllll classy).

I am very sorry for what you are going thru but it sounds to me lke you have come a lonng way in the past few weeks. you can see your stbx for what he is, and you can see that the marriage itself had problems - its not 'just' this cheating.

taking charge of your life!! good for you. that is so empowering, isn't it? i remember when i walked out on my ex --- literally, took my son, our 'stuff', and walked out (we had a window of about 10 days in which i found a rental, packed, and moved while my ex was on a 'business trip'.

I hoe you have friends and family who can help and support you thru this difficult time.
good luck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 11:16am

Hi Summer....


I just wanted to jump in and say welcome to the board!... glad you found us, but sorry that you find yourself here.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~