divorcing controlling husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
divorcing controlling husband
3
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 1:03pm
My husband and I met and we bought a house together, we were not married. Four years later, we bought another house in his name. I was very upset by this and felt extreamly manipulated. But, thank God WA state is a common law state. In recent months it has become apparent to me that I must leave. I will need to move out without telling him as he would lose it, and I chose not to go through that. I am preparing to leave as talking to him has never worked. We have been together 7 years, so I know this. We do not have any children together and I am thankful for that. Although, I do have a daughter from a previous relationship. My question is, for those whom have been through this... How ugly is this going to get? I know that I will have to hire an attorney, as my husband won't want me to have a thing even if it appears to be fair. He is selfish and I am scared. How can I prepare fully? Or if not fully, better?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 2:41pm

tb112173...

Pianoguy isn't a lawyer or legal expert......BUT.....he experienced a similar situation when he purchased a home with the "girlfriend from hell!"

You might want to consult with a legal advisor about:

1. The amount of money you're entitled to if the house(s) are sold.
2. Whether you wish to have spousal support...or just relinquish it in favor of "the quickest divorce possible"
3. Obtaining a restraining order so your soon-to-be EX would not be permitted to enter your new living quarters...or even approach you.

Don't expect smooth sailing, but if you have a good lawyer who understands that you want to END THINGS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE...your divorce might be 'a little less stressful?'

Best wishes and Good Luck!

Pianoguy

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 10:24pm

Expect a roller coaster of a ride. Get all of the account records that you possibly can and make a copy of them. Stash a bunch of money, because it will uglier than you can imagine.

Consult with multiple attorneys (consults are free)and ask him/her for advice on how to prepare. Choose an attorney with balls...one that can abuse back...I got attorneys that were more like me (logical and too meek), and I got raked over the coals. The upside is that the divorce is over...the more you fight, the longer it takes, and with a "meek" attorney, it took me over 3 years in the court system.

In my situation, the games "won" in court, so unless you get a judge with "balls", don't expect much. It's a game, not a logical negotiation with your life.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 8:30am

I think it's hard to say how ugly it will get. From my experience, if it's been a volatile marriage, it's usually a volatile divorce. However, that's not the rule, just a possibility. My personal philosophy? Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.


Your absolute best first step is to go see a lawyer for a consultation. Most of the times the consultations are free, or very low cost. Write down a list of questions with you to maximize the time you have with him/her.




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson