Update... he wants custody, etc.

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Update... he wants custody, etc.
4
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 11:30am

Hi all, it's been a while since I've posted, but I thought I'd update you all on the latest with my idiot STBX...

About a month ago, STBX announced to me that he has "emotional problems", and thus couldn't have DS over for 4 weeks, so he could "get better". He also told 10 y/o DS, who wasupset that he couldn't see hsi dad for 4 weeks. THREE days later, I told STBX that I was going shopping, and his reply: "But the kids won't be there this weekend." I said, "Um, you told me you couldn't have DS over, because you had some emotional issues..?" STBX: "Oh, I had a headache, I can have him over now." I told him that DS was upset over not being able to see his father, and that the emotional roller coaster wasn't good for DS. Soon thereafter, DS started setting fires in the backyard. STBX's reaction to this was, "Oh." I got DS's counselor involved, and she suggested that I take DS to the crisis center; they have started something called a Family Stabilization Team, which entails 2 social workers coming out every week to make sure everything is ok, and that the family members are all ok with each other. I see it as a positive experince for DS; STBX is mad because DSS called him about allegations of him letting DS drive (DS has ADD/ODD, and has no impulse control).

A couple of weeks ago, STBX began snatching DS off the schoolbus before his busstop here at home. I'd be waiting for DS to get off the bus, and no DS walking through the door. STBX did not tell me he would be taking DS. He also began keeping him at HIS place... this lasted about a week (we don't have temp orders re: visitation). I visited DS at STBX's, and noted how sad DS looked. The next morning, I picked up DS to go to his counselor's. When I dropped him off at school afterwards, he seemed especially sad. That afternoon, STBX snatched him off the bus AGAIN, but brought DS home-- evidently, DS told his dad that he wanted to play with friends in our neighborhood. I told DS that he'd be staying HERE, he seemed to want to stay home. His father didn't bring his clothes back, and the next morning, DS was upset that he had to wear the previous day's jeans. I called STBX after DS went to school, and STBX told me, "If he doesn't have any clean clothes, do the laundry". DUH. I told him, "Um, YOU hvae his clothes, how can I do the laundry?" He kept saying to do the laundry, do the laundry (stall tactics...), so I said, "Uh, don't take this as an insult, but are you DENSE? YOU have his clothes at YOUR place. He LIVES here, I'd like his clothes back. He wears size 8 regular pants, if you want to go to Walmart and get some stuff for your place."

That day, we had a 4-way meeting with our lawyers. The FIRST thing out of this clown's mouth was, "I, I, I just want the NAME CALLING to stop" Wah. I said, "whaaa???" and he told the lwayers that I'd been mean to him this a.m., and I hung up on him (I didn't, I just said, goodbye.). So, I reiterated my convo with STBX, and told the lawyers that he'd been taking our son off the bus without my knowledge, and that I wold learn that DS would be staying at his father's by our 18 y/o, when he would come home from his father's at 8 or 9 p.m. STBX's lawyer scolded STBX about this, and told him that 24-hours notice was needed.

Oh, and at the meeting, STBX's lawyer announced that STBX would be filing for full custody of 10 y/o DS, which floored us. STBX is an emotionally abusive alcoholic, won't give DS his ADD meds, and his method of disciplining DS re: firesetting is to build campfires with him. He claims that DS doesn't "act up" for him, and doesn't understand the concept of acting OUT. When it was pointed out to STBX in counseling that DS had smashed a bunch of headlights and cars (STBX has a car junkyard) while AT STBX's, his reply was that "boys will be boys"; DS's counselor pointed out that how can he claim one thing when DS is at HIS place, but I'm allegedly unfit when DS does the same thing at home. Obviously, the file at DSS on STBX will be a factor (STBX allowed our DS to drive a CAR while at his place-- he lives in an apartment at the junkyard), and the social workers and counselor think it's a HORRIBLE idea for DS to live at his father's place.

Also at the 4-way... STBX has been claiming that a 200K gift from his parents over the last 20 years is a loan. However, he has been unable to produce contracts, liens, or promissory notes or even a single IOU from his parents to substantiate this. My lawyer and I think this is a a joke, obviously. STBX's parents GAVE their daughter a house, which is valued at 369K, and have set up their eldest son in business. All of a sudden, their gift to us is a loan?? Anyway, STBX announced that he *may* be unable to sell the junkyard (in the future), because of *possible* soil contamination. :rolleyes: So that would mean that that property is valueless, and thus my settlement would be reduced significantly. Yeah, right. I pointed out to the lawyers that: #1, there are TWO houses being built across the street from the junkyard, #2, there is a resevoir abutting the junkyard on TWO sides that is used for crop irrigation, and #3, WE lived at the junkyard AND drank the water for THREE YEARS, and nothing was said then. AND #4, STBX wanted to sell the property within the last FEW years, and NOTHING was said about it then.

SO... STBX wants to have DS live with him, but the place may be toxic; STBX claims that his father will be paid upon the sale of the property, yet it's unsellable because of possible contamination; yet we have customers who are storing their belongings there on our self-storage building.

Oh, and in STBX's case aginst me, he claims that I "screamed and yelled" at the children (yet he was the drama queen who would have meltdowns in front of the kids, and go stomping off down the hall slamming doors while I calmed the kids down); that he doesn't have alcohol issues and that I refused to see a counselor with him (we went to marriage counseling in 2004, and he quit because the counselor felt drinking was a MAJOR issue, and wnated us to see a specialist; the "counselor" STBX wanted me to see was a customer of ours, who is building a house accross the street from the junkyard); that the demise of the marriage was because I was in "chatrooms" on the internet (I joined AOL in 1997, visitied ONE genealogy chatroom ONCE A WEEK, and after a close friend died in 1999, stopped going to the chatroom). BEFORE I went online, I was not allowed to even READ a book in bed, because STBX didn't like the light on... if I'd decided to divorce him THEN, would he say that books broke up the marriage? What a putz.

He also claims that I am about to inherit a "signifcant amount of money" from my uncle, and that STBX's parents are of "modest means". LOL I checked the assessor's databas in the town where HIS parents, my mom and uncle live. I found that STBX's parents' land and home/S are worth at LEAST 839K. One of the homes is a rental property on CAPE COD, and the valuse of the land/property should easliy go upwards of 1 million, as they are building a house on the piece of property for themselves. My mom owns her house, and is 50% owner of my uncle's house (the family homestead my ggg-grandfather built in the 1850s). My mom's asessments are about 600K. STBX's parents gave away 200K over 20 years to us as gifts that they wouldn't have to pay taxes on; GAVE their daughter a 369K house, and they're of modest means? It's SO laughable. I hope the judge will see through this. The stuff I printed out from the database lists who owns what, and how much was paid for the homes... my SIL paid $1 in 1991, and bought it from the family trust. These people are so shysty.... My mom and uncle are very healthy, in their early 60s, and could live for another 30-40 years. STBX's parents are in their mid-70s, and FIL has had cancer.

So, in just me proving MY case against him, it will disprove HIS case against me. I plan on getting copies of the marriage counseling records, DS's counseling records, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 04-15-2006 - 8:57am


Uh, yeah, can you say SLIGHTLY contradictory?? And I love when they seem to get amnesia over an important topic. "GASP! I never said I couldn't see our child for four weeks due to emotional problems!!" As if that's something you'd make it up just for the heck of it.


I'm glad you had a meeting with the lawyers and are getting a separation agreement hammered out. Good luck to you! It sounds like this is going to be a tough one to hash out.




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 11:22pm

Wow Weeeee.... sounds like STBX is still up to his games.


Thanks for the update... and keep us int he loop of what's happening.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 3:36am

I had all kinds of things to say, till i read "I hope the judge sees thru all this".

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Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 9:52am

Actually, STBX's lawyer requested a GAL, but the judge didn't want to do that as he said it was for "real, serious allegations", but I think he ended up getting a family services officer involved anyway, who will be aware of the various counselors and social workers' reports as well.

We have depositions scheduled for this Wednesday and next Wednesday, at the lawyers' offices. I have to come up with questions for STBX... I don't know where to begin... maybe I'll post a thread concerning that...?