Big questions from little voices!
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Big questions from little voices!
| Mon, 04-17-2006 - 4:49pm |
Hi everybody, my name is Patti and this is my first time on ivillage. I met the love of my life right after I graduated from high school back in 1994. We got married in August of 1998 after he graduated from chiropractic school and I finished college. We had a very happy marriage and our first child was born in 2000. We had a great marriage, a happy family and decided to try again. I found out I was pregnant again about two years after that and also started to notice a difference in my husband. He started leaving a little earlier for work, got home a little later and avoided coming home for lunch. My first thought...he was having an affair. I started looking for clues and noticed that over the course of the week he was going through about $900 in cash, and that was just from bank statements. In Jan. of 04 our son was born. A couple weeks later I was up feeding him at about 3am and heard the microwave beep. I proceeded to go and see what it was, I found my husband "cooking" cocaine. To say the least he chose the drugs over us and now I am a divorced single mother of two. My daughter had the best relationship with her daddy and I don't know how to pick up the pieces. Any suggestions on how to answer "Big Questions From Little Voices"??

hi patti and welcome.
i was wondering if you had gotten any professinal help before and during the divorce. it could be very helpful to you. I also wonder if you have gone to something like al-anon.
What kind of CS and visitation settlement have you worked out with your ex? does he see your children? pay CS?
do you have a support system - friends, family?
my best advice as to questions from the kids --- is to be as honest and open as possible, taking their age into consideration. and also - DON'T lie and cover up for your ex. that is a tendency that many women have, because we want things to be smooth for the kids, but it ends up hurting them. they WILL knwo the truth, in the end, when they are old enuf to see for themselves. so---- for example, if your ex is supposed to pick up the kids at a certain hour and he doesn't show up - DON'T make up an excuse, and if he calls to ask you to tell the kids something - DON'T do it, simply hand the phone to your dd, let him talk to her. don'tbe the 'go between'.
hugs....
Hi Patti.... Welcome!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~