ex still wants relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
ex still wants relationship
4
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 5:48pm
My husband and I are separated..We have a 3 month old son together..i have two kids-he has one...We've had the typical problems of blending families etc...Recently he just said he wanted a divorce b.c. he didn't think we could ever live together happily. I moved myself and my kids into an apartment...Well, now he says he wants to just be separated and stay married. he says we can see eachother every other wknd when my kids visit their dad..and we would stay committed wearing rings etc...we just wouldn't live together..."so both of us could work on our issues" and see what we need to do. He says he loves me and I love him..Am I being a fool?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 6:19pm
Don't agree to do it unless he agrees to marriage counsuling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 9:04pm

Mama,


Oddly enough your husband's idea of a separation while married isn't all nutty. (Keep reading!) However, I'd strongly encourage the two of you to enter joint (and separate) marriage counseling while separated.


No, I'm not crazy, but what I am suggesting is something called a "structured" separation. It's a term an experienced marriage counselor would be familiar with and would be able to help you do. In a structured separation you do live apart. However, you agree on things like who will pay the household bills, take/pickup the kids from daycare or school, that you won't date (or will), and most important, a time line for the length of the separation.


The "cooling off" part of being separated can be very

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 8:20am

My XH remarried 7 months after our divorce was final. 17 months after that, the separated with the primary reason given as his clinical depression. 26 months later, they're still separated and he bought a house without her. The party line is that when her oldest daughter graduates from high school at the end of this year, she'll sell her house and move in with him, but.....

I KNOW this isn't a structured separation. If it was, and he was actually working on the marriage, he wouldn't be on every legitimate or slimy dating site looking for women to have a little "somethin' somethin' on the side."

Be careful. He might want to have his cake and eat it, too.

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 8:59am
Not a fool only if he's willing to do something proactive (besides just live separately!) to work on the "family" issues.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~