Ugh! I screwed up with my son ......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ugh! I screwed up with my son ......
3
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 12:04pm

Sorry I haven't been around much. I really thought that with my move away from my ex, that I was 'healed'. Then, all the pain reared its ugly head again last night.

I was speaking with DS #2 (age 22) on the phone last night about his college graduation. It's a 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning. He asked when I was coming for his grad and I said I had a hotel for Friday and Saturday night. His next question was, could he & I get together on Friday night and not Saturday. I started crying -- it had been a really long day at work, I missed my bus and had to walk home, and my A/C died. He asked why and I said, "I had nothing to do with causing this situation and yet, I always get the leftovers." Why should I bother going to his grad when his Dad gets to spend that day with him?

I try really hard not to put my sons in the middle, but I just snapped. Before I moved, everytime they came home, their Dad got to see them whenever he wanted and always for their last night at home. I was just supposed to provide room and board and be there when it was convenient for everyone else.

So, my son called his Dad, talked to the new wife and asked her not to come. (They've only been married since December) What part has she had in his education? (And my son said that he didn't want her there either.)

Now I feel like crap. I usually suck it up, keep my mouth shut and cry all the way home. This time I didn't.

Was I totally wrong? Is there something else I should do?

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 3:01pm
Your son is 22. He is a grown-up. There is nothing wrong with his "finding out" that you are a mere human being with feelings. Perhaps he has never thought about this before. This gives him the opportunity to be a mature grown-up who may now consider your feelings (and perhaps those of other someones) before making decisions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 10:50pm

Well.... I hope the graduation goes smoothly and that you and DS get some time to celebrate.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 11:14pm

If this was your son's 6th grade graduation I'd say suck it up, woman. But he's a grown man now and maybe it's good he finally got to realize how you've been feeling. That although you keep a stiff upper lip, it doesn't mean you're okay with how you've been treated.

Hopefully the day will go smoothly and he'll be more considerate of you in the future.