It's Finally Over

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
It's Finally Over
4
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 5:00pm

Well, my final court date was supposed to be this afternoon, but we actually "settled." I signed the papers yesterday morning and he finally signed yesterday at the end of the day after playing head games all day of back and forth negotiations. He feels like he got screwed, but he was the one that hid money from me right before he filed for divorce. I'm getting part of it back, but not all. At this point, I'm just glad it's over.

My attorney "e-filed" the paperwork with the court today and she said it would take anywhere from 10-20 days to be final. I'm curious to hear any other stories of e-filing and the process and how long it took you.

Tomorrow we're supposed to meet at the bank at 4 pm to wrap up financial matters and so that I can get half of the money from the sale of our house. He has been holding on to the check since October and it will be nice to get my share.

After nearly two years, I am happy the legal part is over, but very emotionally drained as he has put me through the ringer. I'm even surprised at how somber I have felt since Monday -- not at all like partying. I guess it's all part of the process I suppose.

Belinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 9:27pm
Hi Belinda... I'm so glad to hear that this step has happened, and I hope that things go smoothly tomorrow.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 10:09pm

Thanks. We wrapped up all the financial matters yesterday and it went much better than I expected. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. But I also can't help but feel what a waste of over 20 years of my life. However, I am filled with new dreams. Divorce can be devastating, but I'm finding out that life goes on and that there is hope despite the pain. This will be the first Easter I've celebrated as a single person since 1984. Happy Easter everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 9:46am

Somber is a good word. Ending a painful passage doesn't sound like cause for celebration, so I would think somber is appropriate with a gradual lifting of your spirits as the burden of these last few years slowly lifts.

Good for you.

I am still deep in the extracation process; incredibly convoluted and distressing. The future doesn't look too bright as there won't be enough money even once I find a job (I have been a sahm) so I understand your feelings, but am glad you are on the other side!

Here's to a gradual lightening of your mood!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 12:28pm

Nymava,

Don't be discouraged because I was in your same boat. I took off time to raise my children and was a SAHM for 8 years.

I knew I needed an exit plan to get out of there and started my two year exit plan in 2003. I went back to work in the fall of 2003. My skills were rusty then and I started out as a temp (something I thought I'd never do). I eventually got hired on with a fabulous company, but had to start at a much lower wage than I what I wanted or needed. However, I hung in there and stuck it out. This was very frustrating to me because I knew I needed more money to survive. Eventually some more came my way, but it has still been extremely tight for me and very, very scary. I live on much less than I used to, but then again, he was having problems keeping a job during the last two years that we lived together so I was used to being on financial pins and needles anyway. I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck now, but my world is peaceful now with no one pushing me around anymore. You can't ever put a price on that.

I have now been living on my own for almost two years and am amazed I have pulled it off without going into debt. Fortunately, my kids are older and so I don't have to pay for daycare. I was scared to get back out in the working world, but it has done wonders for my self esteem and I've made some nice friends, have an awesome boss, and lots of support through my transition. It has been a wonderful experience. I'm hoping you will find the same.

Try to change your feeling that the future doesn't look too bright to "yes, it will be challenging, but I can do it." Trust me, eventually your self esteem will skyrocket and you'll meet new people and have new experiences that you never dreamed of. This has happened to me. I still am in pain and mourning in some ways, but in others I'm very excited. It's pretty cool to be able to call your shots in life again.

Thanks for your kind words and hang in there. :)

Belinda