DOES it get easier??? VENT

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
DOES it get easier??? VENT
4
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:16am

This is wearing me down HARD and FAST. I asked for my divorce and I go thru all of the emotions, the shame the sadness the anger..but in the end I know it will be a good thing for me and my kids.

H and I rent, and I do not want to leave him high and dry with a rent he cannot afford, so I decided to stay...and I have about two more months into the lease...but every day is getting tougher. I went thru him calling me at my job, and threatening me, threatening to take our daughter away wher I will never see her again. He told his family that I am having an affair, he opened an online account and posted untrue things about me and forwarded them to all of his contacts, he has worn me down...in the end I basically said to him, let's just split the bils and TRY to keep things copasetic..does not work, He wont pay his share, so in order for the lights, phone, cable to not be turned off I pay the difference..he won't pay for the vehicle insurance or the car note so I do that...

Our problems have always stemmed from money and his lack of finding decent work. In the almost 6 years that we have bene married, he has been "laid off" for at least a year and a couple of months total..which out us back financially - where every week we were borrowing $$ to not have lights turned off...

Last week, he called me a whore and I had had enough and I said to him if he ever calls me a name again I will kill him...he called the cops on me. Talk about me being embarrased. This week he tells me he does not have enough to pay our daughters day care and asks me for help, I remind him that i am paying $400 for the vehicle by myself and he agreed to pay her daycare..

tonight like a fool, I let him borrow the car to go to the store, I woke up in the middle of the night thirsty and find him going thru my purse in the hallway. He said he wanted to see how much money I really had, when the truth is he works under the table and I hace no idea what he makes and he wont contribute he thinks I am hiding things. i was so freaking mad, as I rushed past him to get my things my hand hit his thigh, he goes to the room and say OOPS I need to call and report this!!

Can you imagine? I have endured so manhy things from him, name calling, threatening me and even the most horrifying things..at night earlier on when I would be alseep..I would wake up to find him trying to fondle me uhder the covers, whenever I would freak out he would tell me that nothing was happening he was looking for the sheets etc (he knows that i have ALWAYS had issues with being woken up like that - sexual abuse in my childhood)
so I started to sleep on the couch. One morning around Xmas time, I woke up from my sleep on the couch to find ejaculation over my hair my face, the couch...when I freaked outr about that he said he never did anything...did I call the cops? nope. I am such an idiot. I live in fear that something will hqppen to me and I dont tell everyone what is happening for the shame of it all.

I dont know what to do

Thank you for reading this...sorry about the typos I am crying and typing in the dark at 1.13 in the Am when I need to be sleeping for work\

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 9:41am
Your heart is in the right place, not wanting to leave him with too high a rent, but you should strongly consider leaving now. He will never quit harrassing you and he may even be trying to provoke you into attacking him for real. That would give him so much power over you. Also, is this the kind of relationship you want your child exposed to and thinking of as normal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:15pm

Get out now - he is a ticking time bomb. He is kiniving (sp?) and schemeing against you. Trying to discredit your reputation, rifling through your personal belongings, calling the cops for a minor incident and the ejaculate - I won't even get started on that one. Do not worry about leaving him high and dry because - to be honest - it seems he would not hesitate for a second to do that to you. And I totally agree that you do not want your children exposed to this behaviour. He is abusing you emotionally - you need to get out and get away from his manipulation. He cannot be trusted. You have already made your decision to leave - I really think for your safety, wellbeing and peace of mind, that you need to cut your losses and leave now.

(((((hugs to you))))) I know it is much easier for me to say this than for you to do it, but I was in an abusive relationship and I know first hand the toll that can take on a person. Please leave him.

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 3:27pm
Although it may hurt, I would rather be shame than dead. Please talk with someone in your family soon. Just know that you are not alone in what you are going through but PLEASE get help soon. I'll be praying for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 12:02am

Oh my did your responses help me. I am crying thinking it is just me. What can i do? My heart is in the right place and at times, I feel like I deserve what he is doing beuz I asked for the out. I have no $$ saved...yes I am putting all of my eggs in 1 baske waiting for both my taxes to return as well as scared of ruining my rental status because of leaving early.

I do not know what to do. I feel trapped most of the times. No I do not want my kids to witness a relationship like this and I know in my heart I am damaging them by being here, but honestly, I cannot see another way out before the lease is up.

Thanks for the prayers and well wishes. Just keep being here for me and I believe that I can make it thru - I HOPE I can make it thru!