How do I stop my self inflicting insanit
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| Sun, 04-15-2007 - 5:10am |
I'm such an idiot. Just when I feel I am moving on with my life. I just called the lawyer to have her write up an agreement STBX and I agree upon (yes, I've made concessions just to get this over with), I go and log onto his CC and see all the charges he made while OW is here visiting. I need to have the will power to stop checking this one piece of his life because it just brings me down. I see all the nice places he takes her for dinner and the flight he denies he paid for.
I talked to an old friend and the fact was confirmed that he did have sex with OW back in October. STBX swore up and down that nothing had happened when I found out in November. I even had sex with him during this time to try and win him back. What an ***hole I was. Now I have to call my doctor and have myself checked because this OW is rumored to be sleeping with 2 other guys back in her homestate. Way to pick a winner.
This weekend has been really hard knowing she is in this state staying in what was our maritial home. She is driving his truck around and dropping him off at our work. I wanted to go back to "our house" and rummage through her stuff. I was able to talk myself out of that surprisingly.
Anyways, I'm taking the kids tommorrow and a 3 day vaca with my sister's family so at least I can get out of here.
Thanks.

Best,
Amy
The sad part is that it all makes you unhappy...
If it helps, I know exactly how you feel. I keep access to some accounts (not divorced), and this is a painful and in fact unwanted peek in his new life - with all the perks, buying house, moving.. gosh that was my life, the one I paid for and someone else is using.
Given that divorce is done, why don't you change the pass to the CC account - he'll change it again to retain his access, and you will be free. You should close the accesses - otherwise there will always be moments when you will go in and it will make you miserable.
Thanks for your kind words. I have a 6 month old puggle that I adopted just for that reason - Get myself out of the house and get fresh air. I've lost 20 lbs when this all began and now that the weather is getting better (although today we're in the midst of a nor'easter), I'm spending more time with the kids at the park (baseball season started so thats keeping me busy as well).
I know I have to get to know who I am first before I put myself out there in the "dating" world again, but if you don't mind me asking how did you meet this guy? It's been 20 years since I've "flirted" and to be honest, I think that is what scares me to death. One of my "good" guy friends told me yesterday not to worry they are just in the woodwork waiting for the right time. I just feel alone because STBX has his OW here and I don't even know where or how to go about dating again. Or for that matter where to meet people.
Maybe Mr. Right will be at the park or out walking his dog one of these days :)
Well, it looks to me that you definitely need to put in place some clear limits...
Do you want to leave your family business? maybe that is what you wish to do, and in that case it makes sense that you let your ex work there... but it doesn't look to me like that, and he should be the one out. Now, before things get more screwed up.
Of course, while the situation is like this, keep quiet about your secret access: it will provide you with good insight. Especially if he is a manipulative person, who will try to hide things from you, it can warn you on lots of things and hidden activities - the important thing is to avoid making yourself unhappy over it.
As for moving forward - you are moving forward, every day. Where the next man will come from isn't really what is important... Of course feeling alone is not fun, even more so when there is an idiot showing off with a blonde bimbo (here too, I have some experience LOL), but what is really relevant is what you do with your life, how you decide to proceed. It is about learning, living, choosing, and finding ways to become a better person... or at least, I think so. I sure hope a man is in my future (it hasn't been so far... ), but this time it will only be on MY terms - no compromising for fear of loneliness, because the result is worse than the loneliness...