Rock Bottom & M/C Input Please...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Rock Bottom & M/C Input Please...
3
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 8:06am
So he gets the seperation papers & goes bullistic over the way things are worded. He threatens to this that and the other so I tell him I will stop the sep. papers and call a marriage counselor. He wouldn't go to 1 a couple years ago but now he will. I'm hating the fact that I told my lawyer I'll send a letter to cancel the seperation, however I also told him that I will be to visit him again soon to go straight for a divorce since we've lived in state 1 year now. H said to make it with a christian counselor...this way, in his line of thinking the counselor will tell you that you need to work it out no matter what as long as there isn't anything criminal going on.
We went to 1 session. MC asks where our M is on a scale of 0-10, H says a 7 but sometimes farther below than a 0 I just say a 0. I have no desire to be with him, I dont want him kissing me, I dont want to spend any time with him, I have not been easy to live with as I haven't talked to him about anything for years. He's the talker. He's told me basically that I'm lower than whale *&!@ and that since I bought a ring for 500$ out of my inheritance from my dad that I must have screwed him and the list goes on. He's blamed me for being a bad mother and that is why my DD got hit by a car and because I am a go getter and a very hard worker that I just keep busy to avoid problems with him and that I only do everything I do at work and for my family so that I'll get a pat on my back. Our dd is 4, my dd from previous m is 16. He insists that he'll get at least 50/50 custody and that he'd try to get my xh to fight for custody of my older dd, even though stbx is aware that x is addicted to pain killers and not worked in years. Every Saturday night for years has been fight night. I never get to sleep until 5-6a.m. and then "I" am always the one getting up by 7or8 with the little one.
Sorry for rambling...I guess the ? here is I want to hear from some people who went to MC and 1 person was basically completely done. The ONLY thing that has kept me around is that he's made me feel so horrible for breaking up the family and the threats of a custody fight. What was the MC like we've only been to 1 session & basically I told the man that I want a peaceful ending and that I know I made mistakes & that I knew I didn't love him the way I should have to marry him but after always being very careful not getting pregn., one night I woke up & he was going at it and finishing up. I jumped up and said a few choice words to him & told him it was a perfect time for me to get pregnant & 2 weeks later the test showed +, it felt so wrong that I didn't marry him until I was almost 7 mos preg., but I just hoped for the best and honored my grandma's wishes. Now after all the things that I've been called, what little love that was there is gone and I feel horrible not loving him, but my i/c agrees that I need to leave w/ the kids & concentrate on being happy. Just want to hear some M/C stories & how they helped or hindered your situation. THanks 4 listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 8:40am

dr19642007...

Where is it written that you have to subject yourself to more verbal abuse?

PG suggests you get on the phone IMMEDIATELY with your legal advisor...cancel the previous cancellation...and proceed with the divorce.

I have nothing personal against Christian counselling, but there are some representatives who can only view unhappiness through 'a spiritual pair of eyes' and according to the words in The Bible!

Sadly...there are people who attempt to "live according to the Scriptures", but in reality, THEY CAN'T!

You've already indicated that it's impossible for the two of you to work things out! So what's the point of wasting any more time. Work through your lawyers...make an arrangement where the children are concerned...and try to amicably divide your assets, if possible?

Living in HELL day-after-day isn't living....it's BURNING!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 9:32am
Thanks piano...You've talked to me B4, I changed names a couple weeks ago and have stayed pretty quiet to be safe but I'm living4....Hope to hear more stories of M/C you guys!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 11:13pm

". . .after always being very careful not getting pregn., one night I woke up & he was going at it and finishing up. . ." Speaking from experience here, any man that will use you for his pleasure without your consent and/or cooperation does not respect you. That is classified as sexual abuse. For him to use you like that speaks of his lack of respect for you. I know this because it's happened to me--by my x.

That being said, I say do what you need to do to make yourself and your children safe, healthy and happy. In my honest opinion--Marriage counseling only works if both parties want it to. It can't be used as a threat or a tactic to manipulate the situation. That is what it sounds like he was trying to do. It's a control issue for him. He feeds off of controlling you and making you miserable. By ending the marriage, you're taking his power trip away--that terrifies him. You and your children do not deserve to be treated like that. You deserve much better and all the happiness in the world. Do what you feel you need to in order to get that happiness.