been thinking
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| Fri, 04-20-2007 - 11:06pm |
I've been thinking. For so long, my ex has done his best to try to get me upset, to fuel the fire and keep the problems going between us. I'm tired of that. Last night I came to a "revelation" of sorts. Every time I argue with him, I let him win. By arguing with him, it also puts our daughter directly in the middle (though she does not know that). So I've made a 1/4 year resolution--I'm resolving to always take the high road in dealing with my ex, to do my best not to take his bait, and to ALWAYS in EVERYTHING, put my daughter first and foremost. I resolve to swallow my pride and just "let it go."
This does not mean that I'm going to let him roll over me--no way. I am going to try to quit taking his bait and take the high road.
I've realized that although I believe he's a dirty rat (being extremely nice), Lauren loves her dad. She needs to spend time with him. Although I can't stand the fact that he lives so far away, her mental well-being is worth the time and money to take her back and forth. Honestly, I think if he were closer, my life would be a lot more stressful. Distance makes my sanity stronger.
Please give me your 2cents. Do you think I'm nuts?

No, just courageous.
It is hard to take the high road ... in so many ways. Essentially, because it means we make the sacrifice no matter how injust it seems. Well, that is my perspective and I haven't even gotten to the hard stuff of having him get re-married and having a third party involved.
Go for it.
It will be hard to find a balance between taking the high road and making sure you are taking care of Lauren and not letting yourself be trampled -- fine balance.
I think one of the best things you can do, as custodial parent, is get Lauren on your health insurance so you don't have to do that dance with him.
Let us know how it goes.
M
I think you are very smart to do this. I know how hard it is, I've been through it too and every time I took the bait, got mad and argued I realized it's another time he could point his finger at me and say that *I* am an angry person, that *I* am a ________, etc. We didn't speak since summer time when he stopped calling the kids after a disasterous visit they had with him. My son called him on his birthday earlier this month and when he called him back I answered. I did question him about his arrears in the extra support he owes me -privately away from my children- (CS is garnished, but medical and childcare expenses are paid directly through him) and he sounded pathetic, telling me that he's so broke blah blah blah. Instead of asking him WHERE his money goes to (which I am extremely curious about) I just let it drop and felt sorry for him. He's the one who lost in this. I have our wonderful kids 24/7 and that is the bottom line. I get to watch them grow and hug them and tell them I love them every day. He has chosen to be the loser in this deal and I'm not going to let him "win" by being hostile toward him too.
Melanie
PS I'm very proud of you!
NO, I don't think you are nuts!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~