I gotta vent, just a little...
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I gotta vent, just a little...
| Fri, 04-20-2007 - 11:20pm |
Hi everybody,
I've been posting off and on since STBX left in August. I finally signed my property settlement agreement on Thursday of this week...now all I have to do is go to court with my attorney and finalize things and I'll be officially divorced. STBX doesn't have to show, and I hope he doesn't.
I'm happy that he's gone, but a little bitter just the same because of why. STBX left and moved in with his ho, who is now having his twins in mid August. She is 5 years younge than me, but still resembles me in a HUGE way. I know, slap in the face, but what can I do? I am trying to keep my sh*t together for DS (5-1/2) and myself. DS knows nothing about the upcoming babies and I don't feel like its my place to tell him. I think its up to his dad to do that.
STBX and I don't really talk. Only when it comes to making his one weekend per month plans with our son. It makes me physically sick to see him. He has her name on his cell phone (which shows up on my caller ID), she writes the checks for CS. The whole thing is like a sick joke. This man is 40 years old and can't do anything without the ho either at his side or waiting in the parking lot for him...even brought her to mediation until the mediator told him what an a** he was being and to stop. Whether it's to spite me or just because he's weak, I'm not sure, but it makes me want to barf, regardless.
STBX claims his love for DS, says he wants to see him, but doesn't show up or is late or doesnt' call, or just forces the ho and her kid on my DS without spending any 1 on 1 time with his own child. To say nothing about the fact that he pays CS up to a month late...some love, huh? (DS tells me he hates that kid, who is a 3 yr old boy and his dad falls all over.) I wish I could tell DS what a walking piece of sh*t his dad is, but I can't. I get a lot of grief (from my mom especially) about not "talking down" STBX to DS. I figure he'll figure it out for himself and I don't have to tell him anything.
I know I'm doing the right thing. My dad always told me that if you've got nothing good to say, say nothing, so that's what I'm trying to do.
Not really sure what my point was tonight, I'm just out of joint, I guess and needed to spill.
Anybody else feel this way or am I just going off of the deep end?
Thanks for letting me vent.
Lis
I've been posting off and on since STBX left in August. I finally signed my property settlement agreement on Thursday of this week...now all I have to do is go to court with my attorney and finalize things and I'll be officially divorced. STBX doesn't have to show, and I hope he doesn't.
I'm happy that he's gone, but a little bitter just the same because of why. STBX left and moved in with his ho, who is now having his twins in mid August. She is 5 years younge than me, but still resembles me in a HUGE way. I know, slap in the face, but what can I do? I am trying to keep my sh*t together for DS (5-1/2) and myself. DS knows nothing about the upcoming babies and I don't feel like its my place to tell him. I think its up to his dad to do that.
STBX and I don't really talk. Only when it comes to making his one weekend per month plans with our son. It makes me physically sick to see him. He has her name on his cell phone (which shows up on my caller ID), she writes the checks for CS. The whole thing is like a sick joke. This man is 40 years old and can't do anything without the ho either at his side or waiting in the parking lot for him...even brought her to mediation until the mediator told him what an a** he was being and to stop. Whether it's to spite me or just because he's weak, I'm not sure, but it makes me want to barf, regardless.
STBX claims his love for DS, says he wants to see him, but doesn't show up or is late or doesnt' call, or just forces the ho and her kid on my DS without spending any 1 on 1 time with his own child. To say nothing about the fact that he pays CS up to a month late...some love, huh? (DS tells me he hates that kid, who is a 3 yr old boy and his dad falls all over.) I wish I could tell DS what a walking piece of sh*t his dad is, but I can't. I get a lot of grief (from my mom especially) about not "talking down" STBX to DS. I figure he'll figure it out for himself and I don't have to tell him anything.
I know I'm doing the right thing. My dad always told me that if you've got nothing good to say, say nothing, so that's what I'm trying to do.
Not really sure what my point was tonight, I'm just out of joint, I guess and needed to spill.
Anybody else feel this way or am I just going off of the deep end?
Thanks for letting me vent.
Lis

Hey there, Lis. I've been in your shoes--a lot. I know it isn't easy. Currently my ex is $2500 behind in cs. It is hard sometimes to force yourself to not say anything--esp. on a very frustrating day--but remind yourself that your son is an innocent victim in the divorce. Spouting your feelings about his dad to him (no matter how right they are) will only hurt you and your son. He will then feel as if he should have to choose between the two of you. He does not have the capacity to deal with those feelings, nor should he be asked to.
The next time you are really ticked off at his dad, wrap your son in a big hug and tell him "Thank you for being the best son in the world." It will give him the positive reinforcement that he needs. I'm sure he will hug you back and that will help melt the frustration away.
Hope this helps and good luck,
Becka
It's amazing how they profess their love for their child(ren) but use them as pawns in this stupid game. This past Friday (after my having the kids for an entire week because his ho flew in for a weeks vacation), we get into an arguement because his ho was dropping him off at our work and using the truck for the day (I thought this was very hurtful, disrespectful and he says it's no different than anyone else dropping him off at work), he states he wasn't taking the kids. I tell him no I have plans already (I didn't but he doesn't need to know) and he needs to spend time with his kids.
I agree with you about your DS. He is smart and his father will do enough (or not do enough) for DS to know what his father is about. You don't need to talk down to him about STBX. I know it's hard not to do it. I asked my 5 year old about a school project. He had to draw 5 pictures and write a sentence about it that had to do with vacation this week. We came up with 3 from our 3 day vacation. I told him he could save the 2 pages for stuff at his dad's this weekend. He tells me that dad doesn't do anything with him. So I try to forge a relationship with STBX and the children but he makes it harder on himself.
I'm lucky in the fact his ho lives 800 miles away. I think I would end up in a hospital if she was going to mediation with STBX. I'm having a hard time with just the thought of her in our "marital home" for a week. I really just lost it on her last day here on Thursday and told my STBX I couldn't take it anymore.
I should take your dad's advice too and just say nothing but then it gets pent up and I just explode. It's so hard to deal with this. Everyone just keeps saying it will get better so I am just passing that on to you and just so you know you are not alone.
Hey Becka,
Thanks for the kind words. DS had an uneventful time with his father this weekend and returned home safely, which is really all that matters.
I never say things against the a**hole, especially not in front of DS. My mother gives me a hard time about that. She thinks he's sh*t and will tell anyone who stands still long enough to hear it. I just think I'm above it. They say the opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference and I think I'm just now getting to the point of indifference. So if I don't say anything, I'll feel good, or at least OK, but if I do, it'll just get me all riled up and who needs that, right?
Bottom line is that I know I shouldn't talk the butthead down in front of DS and I don't. You are not alone in your advice and I agree wholeheartedly. That is why we post and why we have friends, to let it out so we don't have to put things on our kids.
DS just hates going there. The first thing he said Sat morning was "Its going to be a bad day, I have to go to Daddy's house". He told us when he came home that 1/2 way there he told his dad he wanted to go home and STBX didn't even respond to him, just ignored him. Nice, huh? He brought the ho's spawn with him to pick up my DS, for whatever reason, probably trying to stick it to me in yet another way. DS can't stand him, doesn't want to see him or play with him or share a room with him. STBX just keeps shoving him down his throat though. Wants to make a nice new little family with my DS, the ho, her spawn and the 2 little bastards on the way. Maybe with some luck, he'll drive off of a bridge or something and that will be that.
Thanks again for listening.
Lisa