For my child

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
For my child
7
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:06am
My husband and I are separated not only legaly but also because he is deployed. I have made the decision to leave Hawaii (where we are stationed now) to move back home to France so I can be close to my family and have help with the kids; also because life in hawaii is so expensive. We have 2 children 5 years and 13 years old. My 13 years old doesn't speak a lot of french although he was fluent around the age of 5. He understands very basic things but not enough to follow in school, neither does the 5 years old but it is different for him as he is so young still. This is the one weak point in my plan of moving home. I worry so much about his schooling. He will probably have to be dropped down one to 2 classes as the education level in France is higher and he will have to fight hard in order to keep up and learn the language. Everytime I make up my mind, I end up with mini panic attacks about not doing the right thing for him. My soon to be ex husband tells me he'll be fine and that he'll be bilingual at the end which is great. Some schools my mother called for me tell us that he'll be fine and will adapt, others tell us how difficult it will be for him to adjust. I am so scared for him and confused!
Am I doing the wrong thing? Does he have a chance to adjust? I think as far as life style goes he'll be better off there. My parents can help while I am working. They can take the kids to basketball, music...Working full time in France means 35 hours/week with 5 weeks paid vacation a year and guaranted retirement . I would have way more time to be available for the kid during the week than if we stayed in the States.
Please help me...I am going to damage my child's life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
In reply to: frenchyie74
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 7:37am

If you act confident and normal , they will think it is all right.


I say go for it the benefits you get in France

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: frenchyie74
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 8:37am

You have your stbx's support for the move -- that is huge! I would do it. France is where you feel safe, secure and competent to get a job (hard to do in France these days); you have family support. The boys will love having extended family with them. It isn't like you are moving from a home where they have deep roots and long attachments. By moving you will give them a chance to put down deep roots and develop strong attachments.

13 is a bit old to learn a new language from scratch, but he will -- that is what language emersion is all about -- and he will have you speaking it at home. He will catch up. You can find a school that works with speakers of foreign languages -- even an English based school that helps them learn French.

Yes, you can and he can, too!

Does he want to go? Is he worried? That may be a big part of this for you. You don't want to see him struggle.

But, it does sound like the right thing and better to go now when stbx is supporting the decision not fighting it!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: frenchyie74
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:53pm
Thank you for your answer. Yes, he is worried and already says he'll come back to the USA when he turns 18. I told him it is fine with me, that he can always get his high school diploma here, living with his dad if by that age he still wants to. I told him to go to France with an open mind and see what happens. He isn't rebelling or anything just scared I think. So I try to give him things to look forward to. My mother has been calling basketball clubs for him, my father is going to enroll him in horse riding (grandpa has horses).....
I already have 2 jobs offer for when I get there, I'll have to see if they really open up to something and I know it won't be paid much but it is a start!
I really appreciate your answer
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: frenchyie74
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:56pm
Thank you for answering. I usually try to be confident and act like it is just another adventure...sometimes it gets to be overwhelming....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
In reply to: frenchyie74
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:11pm

It is amazing how kids think things are normal when parents stay calm.


So just take deep breath and just do it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: frenchyie74
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 2:03am
Now here is an idea! Went to England, Holland, Spain, Italy, Africa, America, Korea but not Sweden
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
In reply to: frenchyie74
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 4:34am

I