Divorce 101

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2005
Divorce 101
5
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 8:38pm

I need advice, badly. Its pretty basic. I want to get divorced but I have no idea where to start. We have a 5 yr old, which provides the biggest conflict for me... the guilt of taking him away from his father. Since I went straight from my mother's house to his house, I have no idea how to start over. Right now, at the moment, I am crippled by fear and I have no idea what to do. Please help. There are more details, but I am sure that you have heard them all before. Another sad love song, basically.

Confused, clueless, and scared.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
In reply to: fancey04
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 9:12am

Hi,
I have no advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know
I am in the same boat.
The thought of making a life on my own for me and my kids (16,13,9)
is so overwhelming & scary.
I also moved from my parents house
to marriage. I Don't make enough money to get an apartment. (which, I think
is the first step by the way)
I don't want to take my kids out of our town, their schools, away from everything.
Do you have family/friends that can help? I think a support system is essential.

It is a difficult situation......sorry I can't help
but, I hope you can find the answers you need.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2005
In reply to: fancey04
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 4:35pm
Thanks for your reply. Just hearing that I am not alone gave me a sense of comfort. As far as family goes, I am not very close to my family. However, ironically, I am very close to his family, but I am sure it would be weird to turn to them for help. I understand that if I am going to do this, I will probably be alone. I know that I have to summon the strength. Also, I agree that getting an apartment is the first step, and for me probably the hardest. Everything is so expensive, and I refuse to move my son to a bad neighborhood. Thinking about that only adds to my guilt. SOmetimes I think that I should suck it up. Why should my son pay for the fact that his mother jumped into a marriage? I feel so selfish, when I think about the pain that this will cause him. He's five and my whole world. I know that there are alot of things that I have done wrong, but I can honestly (and proudly) say, that I am damn good mother. I never want to see my son hurt in any way, and sometimes I think that this will have a lasting effect on him. See, told you I was a scaredy cat. Thanks again for your reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
In reply to: fancey04
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 8:05pm

Just a word of advice - be careful of what you do say to your in-laws. Sometimes they may just be getting information for their son. Blood is thicker than water.

Also, my youngest is 5 as well. He was really excited to move. Sometimes they know more than you know.

Your family may also surprise you and support you.

In the town I grew up in, they have apartments (more like condos) that are rented based on income. Maybe you can look into something like that in a nicer town.

Good Luck!

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
In reply to: fancey04
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 9:15am

You know, if you are thinking about this now, and are SERIOUS about it...you will
be sparing your son alot of hurt in the future. I "sucked it up" for many years, thinking I never wanted my kids to grow up in a divorced home. And now leaving will be SO much harder. It's not worth it in the long run. And he is only 5....do it before he gets established in a school and neighborhood with friends, etc. He is still young enough to handle that kind of change.

for me, I feel like I have wasted so many years.
What has that done to them? How will it affect their future relationships?
They never see/get hugs/kisses and hear I love yous.
And, when your kids are saying to you "let's just go out and have a good day with no arguing"
That is heartbreaking as a Mom.

And you deserve to have a relationship that makes you happy....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
In reply to: fancey04
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 6:53pm
Just a question out of curiosity. Why would you leave the home? Do you own your home or do you rent currently? I'm filing for divorce but my stbx will be leaving the our home and I will stay in the house b/c of our children. Do you have to be the one who leaves?