Is there somewhere to seek help for this
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| Mon, 04-30-2007 - 7:55pm |
Don't know where to go now.
Going to court Thursday to finalize divorce. STBX and I have ironed out everything only because I conceded on a lot of things. I just want to move on.
My question is my 11 yr old was playing ball on Sunday. Seems like now that we are getting a divorce and STBX has lost a lot of friends due to his midlife crises, he is now attending more sports events for the kids. Part of the problem is I moved out of town and because we decided to have the kids finish school off in there old town, STBX is now doing a lot of the running around. (Yea - he's under so much pressure now that he actually has to contribute- He complains he has been running around oh so much - this is what I've done for the last 11 years - never asked him for any help and never complained - but everyone must feel his pain!) Anyways, 11 yr old struck out 1st time at bat, walked second time at bat, and struck out 3rd time at bat. Well, STBX is so perfect that he could have been a professional ball player had he not smoked so much pot in his youth, that he degrades his son to me and I say please don't leave right after his strike out because he takes it personally. Anyways, he drives off on his motorcycle and sure enough 11 year comes to me crying and says dad is mad at him. I try to encourage him and coach comes and offer advice. I'm crying and other baseball moms have no idea whats going on, they think its because he struck out.
Anyways, my question is this: How do you stop the verbal and mental abuse the ex causes? I got a divorce to stop is from happening to me (one of many reasons) but he still his their father and he still is abusive although he doesn't think he is abusive, I feel he is alienated his son.
I'm just thankful my son is able to talk to me and I offer support. We have a really open communication but should I seek professional help? My son is getting good grades and IMO ex needs the help.
God it just sucks that life isn't perfect.

I think counseling could be a good option. If your son is comfortable with it it could help. It's fabulous that he feels able to talk to you about things and you obviously do your best to help him, but there are inevitably things that he won't feel comfortable talking with you about. Having a good rapport with a counselor could give him the opportunity to work some things through without needing to take everyone else's feelings to heart.
You can't change what your STBX does. You can only change the way you and your son react to it by learning better ways. Both of you could likely benefit from some good individual counseling.
Thanks-I was going to call his pediatrician today to get a referral.
I did call the school when this began back in November. They had a divorce group that met Fridays so the kids could talk with other kids going through the same. It seemed to be really helpful for him.
It's like a catch 22, I want the kids to grow up with a father but unfortunately, sometimes the father they have doesn't let the kids to be kids and expects too much from them.
It's so frustrating that I'm left picking up the pieces and he rides off into the sunset.
You are doing the right thing to get a referral from the pediatrician. As many support systems as you can make available the better.
Sometimes kids seem to "get over" a slight like this, but, in fact, they continue to hurt and harbor bad feelings about themselves the compound, so having a counselor to turn to to process these experiences is really valuable.
It is SO SO painful to see your child in pain, especially when it is inflicted by a supposedly loving parent.
Let us know how your young fellow fares!
M