please tell me it gets easier...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
please tell me it gets easier...
4
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 11:22am
It HAS to get easier. My marriage was not a great one, but I was willing to try the whole separation thing and try to "work" on things. He never would step up and try, and he it has been 8 1/2 months since he left. Now I finally get up the nerve to email the attorney today and tell her to file our separation papers as divorcce papers (long story, but that's how our papers were written up...) and now he is saying that he loves me. I can't do the emotional rollercoaster anymore. I have full custody of 3 kids, a job, etc.....it's just too hard some days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:52pm

Ivil,


Tell him you're not interested to tickets to a guilt trip. And that's what this is - a guilt trip. He's had a lot of time to think and to "breathe" living apart from you. You reached a tipping point and you need to move forward.


Don't respond to his pleas unless you think there's a chance of reconilation (and you want that). If so, then he should agree to attend joint marriage counseling with you AND stay in his own apartment.


Good luck and let us know how you are doing.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 1:28am

I believe it does get easier. There are a lot of women from this board who have weathered the storm and moved on to new things in their lives.

I like to tell myself that this will someday be just a memory- part of my past. Hang in there. Don't let the manipulation get to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 3:45pm

The emotional roller coaster is the hardest part and I feel like it will never end.

My best advice is day by day. And sometimes that's a lot to ask, I know, but day by day..surround yourself with good things and good people.

Big hugs from someone that truly understands what you're feeling as well as a lot of others who have come to this board.

Jennifer in CT

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 4:37pm

I've only been at this a few months but I can tell you this. It gets better, then it gets worse again, then better again. From what everyone I know who has been through this tells me - after a time the better again stretches last longer and longer and the worse again stretches are fewer, shorter and longer in between. Eventually, it is all better all the time. I am still trying to get there but I take solace in the knowledge that others have built happy new lives for themselves.

I also agree with the cl's comment on buying the tickets he's selling for a guilt trip. If he truly wants to work it out and you truly want to give it a try - let him stay put and enter counselling. In your heart, you'll know what you want - because it is right not because it is easy in the moment.

Good luck and keep posting. There is a lot of strength to be shared here.