Divorce final 5/3 - Sad all over again
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| Sat, 05-05-2007 - 10:00am |
It was final 5/3. We are divorced. Within 6 months of hearing him on the phone with OW, we are no longer husband and wife.
We went out afterwards for lunch and few drinks. Got along like pals. Went to our old marital house to cook dinner on the grill for the kids and then planned on going home early. I begin harping on the same old SH**. Like why did he do this? When did you have sex with her? He tells me they had sex after I served him. I tell him things his friends confide in me. We both get upset. He tells me to leave (not so nicely). I start to pack up. He begs me not to leave this way. We end up talking and I give him a kiss goodnight. I try to call him when I get home. He doesn't answer. I took a day off yesterday with the kids to try and get my head together. He came to pick up the kids and didn't talk.
Now, as I drove into work today, I'm crying. I lost my friend. I just don't know how to move on. I've been out a few times and met some people, but I find something wrong. One guy basically told me the dating scene is different now and not many men will find a woman with 2 kids attractive. Another guy I met was nice to talk to but the sparks weren't there. I've been the counciling and to a therapist in the past. I know I have no self esteem at times. I know the tools to get over this but I'm stuck in this rut.
How do you move on when you lost the person you love? Sometimes I wish I was a widow so I could greive and move on. Life sucks sometimes.

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Hey there...
I'm sorry that you're feeling the way you are right now... it is completely normal, but that doesn't make it suck any less... I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and are hoping that you're having a better day today... let us know how you're doing!
*hugs*
Julie
Thanks-
I picked up the kids from baseball and I don't have time to be depressed. Right now, everything is for the kids. I know they are going through a rough time and I'm trying to make them as happy as possible. It's hard though, sometimes you want to blame the divorce for the problems, but in reality it's just a normal age thing all kids go through. It's hard to figure out the difference. Life can only get better I hope.
Guess what. How you feel is so, so normal. Nope that doesn't help much. I will tell you this, one day you will look back on this time and be one proud gal. I firmly believe you should cry your heart out. Losing your pal this way is extremely hurtful. Then when the tears finally subside say, out loud, you wish him a great life. Do this each time. Grieve and then bid him farewell positively. Yep, I am suggesting replacing anger with positive thoughts. Our entire life is lived in our minds. Create a positive environment there and then you will be free to allow other positives in. No rush. Take as long as you need. Be happy for him and then one day you will be happy for you. By the way, sparks fly when least expected. Live and let live. Hanging out with gal pals can be rewarding with the right attitude.
Life sucks only if the mental environment sucks.
It sounds like you're equating moving on with dating.
I really love that advice! Often, how we perceive and react to situations has a great deal to do with how well we cope. When we think, "Oh my God, this is a disaster!!" it becomes a disaster. When we think, "OK, this is really hard, but I'm going to get through," that is usually the case. However, I realize that's easier said then done sometimes.
I think a couple more keys to recovering and moving on are being kind to yourself (stop beating yourself up with negative self-talk) and forgiving yourself for your mistakes. Also, permit yourself a certain amount of time per day to feel sad, angry, etc. After that, time's up! It is definitely a long hard road, and we can all expect backslides here and there, but that is part of the process. Down the road, we will all see how much stronger, wiser, and eventually, how much happier we have all become.
He filed for divorce last March the divorce went through in August...we were still dating each other and more till the weekend before Thanksgiving when he told me he met someone on Match.com the beginning of November. In December and January he was still stringing me along. Being very touchy feely at drop off and pick up. February 26 the day after six month waiting period he married Match.com lady whom has two children two years apart two different dads. My son in one month went from seeing his parents kissing to finding out after the fact that his father is now married to someone else. Our son was not at the wedding. Even better they now bought a home(the home I originally wanted) 15 blocks from mine.
He just came this am to p/u our son for visitation and had to tell me about their upcoming trip to Napa for honeymoon.
I lied and said I was happy for him and glad to see he is getting what he wants. He replied glad to see I was getting what I wanted. I replied I am not getting what I want and the tears started all over.
Why cant I get over him???? I go to divorcecare every week and hear how I must put my fears and loneliness in His hands and He will take care of it. But I still feel empty. I question my faith. Maybe my husband sorry former is right maybe I am getting what I deserve. He told me just a couple of weeks ago that had I of loved him and not lived two lives we would have worked. Why did I have to be so selfish. See when we got back together my parents would not allow him at Holidays and my friends did not want him around so I would spend time with that group and then spend time with him but neither the two paths should cross. I just was to selfish to give up my family.
So I know this isnt much help more of a vent back.
I have tried dating but every man has told me I am still hung up on my former.
I just keep thinking it has to get better. I see people all around me that are thriving after divorce. I just want the pain to go away.
I think the ultimate reality was a couple of weekends ago at our sons ballgame he and his new family showed up and the new Mrs. and him had to have huge PDA moment while I sat alone in the stands.
I think being a widow would be so much easier I would no longer have to see him at least. I feel such a black whole in my heart. He was the only man I ever said I love you to. I miss having my best friend here.
We somehow must find hope.
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