SAHM's going through sep/divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
SAHM's going through sep/divorce
1
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:24pm

Hi everyone. I lurk here every now & then. To make a long story short, I'm in a marriage that I need to get out of or at the very least, seperate myself from for a while. I have a 3 year old & an 8 month old. I'm devestated at the thought of putting them in daycare, but financially, I don't see any other choice. What did you do about that? Did you have to get a job (I work 2 days a week, but that's all I have childcare for) and put your kids in daycare? If so, how did your kid/kids do? How much does a divorce cost? Finally, how did you adapt to doing everything yourself? I really feel like I'll be okay except for the daycare thing, I would be willing to do almost anything to keep that from happening. Thanks for any advice :)

Kelly

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 11:33pm

Hi Kelly,

I'll let you know right now that I am a lousy model for this scenario, but I'll tell you my situation.

I went back to school last September. I knew the marriage wasn't going to work and I wanted to be sure that I would be employable in the near future. I really feel like I've fallen way behind after 7 years away from the workforce.

My STBX refused to leave the marital home, so I moved out in December. I have a 4 y.o. who has been going to preschool 5 afternoons a week. My younger son (will be 3 in June) started going to a babysitter 4 afternoons a week while I was at school.

My STBX hasn't been paying any support and I am very fortunate that I have only managed to do what I'm doing thanks to my very helpful and generous parents. Thus far I've spent over $3000 on lawyer's bills. We're doing collaborative which is supposedly cheaper than arbitration or court. As for the legal issues, I highly recommend meeting with a few lawyers for info and costs.

If your STBX is required to pay support, you may be entitled to a transition period during which you won't have to work full time- that is, if you get spousal and child support that is sufficient to live off of. Everyone's situation is different. As for the daycare, I guess it's a necessary evil for most of us. It's really difficult at first, but if you find that your kids enjoy it, it will be easier for you.

Final note: doing everything myself is quite lovely. I'm fine with taking care of 2 kids. 2 kids and an adult (STBX) was a bit much for me.