For those who left -how did you do it?
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| Fri, 05-11-2007 - 10:04am |
Don't have much time, so I'll be brief.
What happened when you dropped the bomb?
I want out. But what's going to happen when I say so?
We rent an apartment, and neither of us will stay there permanently if we end it. But in the interim, should I plan on staying at a friend's, staying in the living room, or try to get an apartment immediately? (No kids involved, btw.) Should I start thinking about an attny now? Or wait?
What's your experience? Did you sit him or her down and have a talk about it? Did it initially happen in the heat of a fight? Did your ex insist that you stay and try to work it out?
I know everyone's going to say "there's no way to know, everyone's reactions are different," but I'm interested in the stories of others.
Thank you so much!
Vendredi

I was on the recieving end of the bomb and that week he was here before he moved out was MISERABLE for me and the kids. I'd vote for staying at a friends house. Just go.
With no kids, when you contact an attourney is your call. Just be reasonable with bills in the meantime (like my stbx was not). When a household is set up for two incomes, it can take a while to realign things so that one can handle it. My stbx simply calculated that I made enough to pay the bils and thought he could leave. Fortunately, the court thought otherwise.
Move as much of your stuff while you can. Just your stuff. Later after you have "dropped the bomb" you can both decide what can be split. You may have to come back at a later time. After things calm down.
Friends are great, if they can stay with you for a while that would help the transititon. But do not become dependent on them. There is life after divorce.
hi there,
i think with anything as delicate at this, you need to be gentle but firm. first of all, think it out ahead of time - what YOU want. what is the minimum you'll walk away with, versus your wish list. setting the bar in your mind will help you to keep it in perspective when the real conversation begins.
when i told my former husband that i needed to divorce him, i made sure that i knew i would not accept anything else (our situation was not something i could allow to re-occur). that made it easier (but NOT "easy" mind you) for me to remain firm, while being as compassionate as i could. i remained firm in my resolve to have him move out (it's my house), but allowed him to stay on the sofa for one month. no bedroom rights at ALL, and after the end of that first hellish month, it was entirely up to him to be moved out, no ifs ands or buts.
know what your bottom line is, and toe it in your mind BEFORE you open up the dialogue.
hope this helps....
My marriage started going south about 18 months ago. He decided that going out with his friends was more important than our marriage. I saw signs and opened my own bank account and started saving to move out. Around Tahnksgiving he proposed a divorce. I moved out with his help in February and we are in the final stages of mediation for the divorce and selling our martial home, and sharing custody of the kids. Generally, we are getting along pretty well. My friends have been a great support, so turn to yours. Family is half and half.
My advice would be: 1. Get your own bank account 2. Don't run up any new debt. 3. Get your name off joint accounts