Anyone out there like me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Anyone out there like me?
4
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 11:31am

I would like to talk to women out there in the same boat as me:

I am 30 years old. Been married since August 2005. My husband & I knew each other from high school but never dated. We met up at our high school reunion. We had a short dating period and year long engagement. He is not educated and motivated and I was completely opposite from that. I should have seen all this but I really believed he was someone that he couldn't ever be. He has low self-esteem and needs constant reassurance from others including girls. Our main problems were his job and lack of motivation. I also caught him a few times calling girls to be "friends". This past Tuesday I read a pretty disturbing email between him and another girl and left to stay with my parents. We don't have any kids. We don't even have a house together.

Our split will be pretty easy, but I can't help but feel I will never be able to move on from this and find the right guy. Any help from someone who has gone through the same thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 11:11pm
Hi there..... well, ya know, I'd just chalk it up to having fun while it lasted... and just set your mind that you're going to learn something about yourself from all of this.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 11:16pm
Thanks for sending me the reply. You seemed to have "made it" in life...got married, had the kids, found yourself and had some fun in the process. I guess I just want to have a family. I can't wait to have kids...yours are precious! Enjoy them everyday:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 11:26pm

Once you put all your trust into one guy and he turns out to be the wrong one, and not only the wrong one, a really bad choice, it's hard to even imagine trusting again!

But it happens!

I've been separated for 6 years now, divorced for almost 5. We were married for 15 years and have 2 great daughters. (The only GOOD thing in the marriage was the girls) He wounded me so deeply emotionally, I never thought I'd be able to date again. A couple years ago, my best friend and I started walking the fine line between friends and dating. He's also divorced and we'd been friends before the divorces. After a period of line walking, we started dating, but not publicly. The kids don't know, but several of our good friends do.

I trusted him as a friend long before I was able to trust him as a lover, but I was able to get by all the emotional baggage and love him!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 7:14am

You are so lucky that you realized these things before kids. Ug, not only is that really messy, but you'd be stuck with him forever through the kids.

You are very smart. You saw him for who he is and you know yourself well enough to know what's best for you: cut your loses and find someone you're compatible with.

I agree w. Calla. Get to know the person, become friends etc. You'll kiss a lot of toads before finding the right person.
Good luck!