New Here and Needing Wisdom
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New Here and Needing Wisdom
| Sun, 05-13-2007 - 10:07am |
Wondering if anyone has advice for this situation. Filed for divorce February of 2006, separated since June of last year and still waiting for divorce to be final as the soon2B ex will not agree on ANYTHING to bring this to a conclusion. It could be another 3 to 6 months. And believe it or not, there are no kids. This is all financial. Could there be anything dumber than hanging on in this situation? But it's everyone can see it's his way of punishing me for leaving him. (did I mention the drug, drinking and gambling problems he had?)
So how do I "move on" when it's not over? We were married for 10 years and had no kids (which according to everyone else is "good news" but now I suspect I will never have the famly I was hoping to have with him). Work and friends are both great but after almost a year of living alone and feeling I can't date because I am still "married" it's getting more and more difficult to believe that there is a bigger brighter future out there. No kids, no husband and oh by the way his family was "my family" so no family to speak of either. But glad to be here :-)
So how do I "move on" when it's not over? We were married for 10 years and had no kids (which according to everyone else is "good news" but now I suspect I will never have the famly I was hoping to have with him). Work and friends are both great but after almost a year of living alone and feeling I can't date because I am still "married" it's getting more and more difficult to believe that there is a bigger brighter future out there. No kids, no husband and oh by the way his family was "my family" so no family to speak of either. But glad to be here :-)

If someone is using, I would think it would be pretty easy for you to get a divorce. Maybe you need a new attorney.
You will move on. Just give it time. There are many ways you can have a family. If you are young enough, adoption, with a guy who already has children, foster care, many, many ways.
Try to think of this as away to discover who you are. It's hard at first to be alone. But it gets easier. I don't see anything wrong with you going out, doesn't mean you have to jump into a relationship. Just check out whats out there. Kinda like window shopping. LOL Good luck. When one door closes, another one opens.
True -- if I wanted to give him everything we own, I supposed I could get out. But even the mediator advised me to be patient and go to court. I am not paying the attorney anything at the moment, just waiting (and waiting)for a court date. The attorney is great. She has done anything and everything to keep my fees down.
As for the 'family' thing, late 40s is starting to feel to old to still want so badly to have a family but it doesn't go away, it's still there. But by the time I get out of this, meet someone and start over, I just don't know......
Just take one step at a time. Things have a way of working out. Divorce is one of the hardest things I went through. But it was the best thing for my children and me. Have you ever thought of Foster Parenting?
Sorry your divorce is taking so long. Hang in there, you will be okay. I was with an alcoholic and drug abuser. His ex wife showed up and had drugs. Things ended really fast. Then he died. Our son carried a message to him from me when he was on his death bed. Son was an adult. I did forgive him.
Drugs are the worst mistress there is. There is no fighting back. All you can do is move on. Life is to short.
Hi Spike,
My divorce took forever too because the x wouldn't cooperate on anything. Mine almost went to trial, but fortunately his attorney talked some sense in to him. It was frustrating feeling that my life was on hold, but eventually it all works out.
Right now you are feeling like you missed out on things because of him, but just be patient and it will be over soon. You then will be able to move on and go from there.
Hang in there,
Terry
Just spent two days with the ex's family for a graduation and they are so good to me it helps but there is the "elephant in the room" of my ex that we just don't talk about....
If I can't just get about 4,000 more people to tell me "it will all work out", I think I'll be okay...