Letting Go

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Letting Go
8
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 9:51am

Eight months ago my husband told me that he wanted a divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
In reply to: kpastula2004
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 11:46am

Step back for a minute.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
In reply to: kpastula2004
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 12:20pm

Thank you for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2007
In reply to: kpastula2004
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 1:10pm

I can relate to all your feelings, letting go is so very hard , yet it has to be the best answer. I had a wife that had an affair this past winter and I heard so many of the same lies come from her. It sounds like our spouses are going thru a mid life crisis and forgot how good they had it at home. People tell me that, with time they will see that it is not greener on the other side of the fence, even thou they think it is.


My 14 year marriage ended in divorce this past August, and I am still grieving, but I know I will be stronger and better in the long run. Ask your self " Why would I want to be with somebody that doesn't want to be me"?


I hope nothing but the best for you in your recovery


MA

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
In reply to: kpastula2004
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 4:20pm

I can completely relate to what you're going through.

The only advice I'm able to lend at this time is to visit the Betrayed Spouses Support board here on iVillage. I've found it very helpful.

Best wishes to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
In reply to: kpastula2004
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 11:17pm

Dear Kpastula,


I wish I had words of wisdom for you; I don't...sorry!!


But I can tell you that I have felt the same way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
In reply to: kpastula2004
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 11:20pm
Wow!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
In reply to: kpastula2004
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 7:16pm

Hello. I'm going through something similar to you. My husband leftand we are now separated. He also has been spending long nights on the phone with this woman he works with. I have just recently found out that before he moved out, he was seen with her while hanging out with he was supposed to be with his brother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
In reply to: kpastula2004
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 9:18am

I think that if my ex-husband wasn't already engaged a month after our divorce and only 4 months after we separated, I would have been having a much easier time dealing with all of this myself. Even after all of this and knowing that he was talking to her and meeting with her before he told me it was over, I still love him dearly. We were married for 16 years and I think he understands how I feel even if his family thinks I should just be over it already. I'm sorry, I'm not some cold hearted B. I actually have feelings even if they have had screwed up marriages and expect everyone to deal with things the same way they did. Anyway, even though he is engaged we still have sleep together every once in a while. It's still hard on both of us even though we knew the divorce was right. This alone is one of the things that helps me, knowing that he is basically cheating on her so why would I ever even think to want to stay with him. Plus, when I start to feel lonely for him and upset that we aren't together anymore and wish that I might want to try to get him back, I just think of all the things about him that irritate me and there are plenty of things, trust me.

Some people say it takes time, maybe it does.