how did you let your friends know

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
how did you let your friends know
7
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 7:54pm

Ladies,


When you finally decided you wanted a divorce how did you let you friends know ? Did you go vist them and tell them face to face, over the phone or just let them find out through the grape vine . Also did you feel some sense of obligation to tell all the people that stood up in your wedding face to face

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 10:16pm

I told some friends via telephone, some via email, and some in person. Unless your wedding was recently, I don't think you'd need to make special allowances for those who stood up in your wedding.

It's so hard telling people, but it was also good to "come clean." (For professional reasons, we had to keep our problems under wraps for a year--so hard!) I make a point of not trash-talking my husband, but I also don't sugar coat how I am feeling.

Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 7:29am

Daweasel,


Telling friends is part of the process. The timing of that is entirely up to you as well as the way you choose to tell them.


I sense you feel guilty about your divorce. Were you very recently married (like in the past year)? Is that why you feel an obligation to "fess up" to those who attended your wedding? Just curious.


I told my very closest friends in person and the rest I let "find out" as time dictated. In some cases it was years before they knew! But, then again they're opinions of my situation didn't make or break my decision.


Let us know how it turns out and how you are doing!


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 8:25pm

I told friends right away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 9:28pm

Everyone is buying presents and laughing and having a good time. And I feel like crap. Then I feel guilty for feeling this way and don't want to bring other people down. I don't want them to stop inviting me because I'm such a drag. But it's so hard. Lot's of people who have never divorce/separated just don't understand. I don't want him back. He's done me a favor by suggesting we split. But the togetherness, especially this time of the year.

Amen to that ... they just don't understand. Divorce/separation is a total undoing of every thread of the fabric of our lives (or at least of *my* life). Friends have been kind, but they just haven't walked in these uncomfortable shoes. I always find it liberating to talk with someone who has walked this walk--they SO get it!

Hugs to all of us at a tough time of year!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 10:20pm
Telling Your Friends!
I think that this is a way that we end up finding out who our True Friends really are. Some of my friends I've called & told them, some have found out thru others. Everyones reaction will be different. Some of the ones I thought were my "BFF", I haven't heard from since I told them & others that I was close to but not what I thought were "BFF" have been there for me & my kids without any judgement or anything. I try to use this as a learning experience so if at some point someone that I consider a friend is in the same situation I can try & help in any way I can.
The last thing you should be worried about right now is " How they find out" but making sure you take good care of yourself. Because when it comes down to it Only You know what is best for You!
Best of luck to you!
Lola.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 11:18pm

I told most of the them over the phone, but a few were through e-mail and I also tried to let everyone who was important to me, either because they were very close to me or because they were someone who it was important to me to retain contact with, within the first two weeks.

Everyone will have a different comfort level with it, tell them as you feel comfortable doing so. The funny thing is that no one quite acts the way you expect them too in the this situation. The two people who I held off telling the longest, one of them my father, because I thought they wouldn't approve have actually been very supportive and understanding. Everyone will understand, you don't have to go into details, just tell them that you wanted them to know. I also made sure that when someone asked if they could do anything for me that I said "yes, call and check in on me every once in awhile". You do need to hear from them, and they get busy with their lives just like normal, except that normally you wouldn't notice if you didn't hear from them for 6 months, but you'll notice it now.

Best Wishes...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 9:54am

Most of my friends saw it comoing before I ever *did anything* about it... so they were more or less... expecting... the news.


I didn't feel any obligation to pay special attention to those who "stood up with us" at our wedding, but then again, we were married for 13 years, so it wasn't like it was just the week before ;-)


But... basically, I just told people as I saw them, and kept the details to "it just wasn't working out like we'd hoped it would" and didn't place any blame or give any other explanations.


Good luck!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~