What's the best way to handle Christmas!
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What's the best way to handle Christmas!
| Tue, 12-18-2007 - 1:37am |
I just wanted to see if anybody has any suggestions on how to handle this situation I am in?
A little back ground: My H & I have been separated since Oct.15th.I moved out. We have been married 22yrs, have two daughters 16 & 10. We have always spent Christmas Eve at our house with both sides of our families. Everyone would come over spend time together, exchange gifts etc.
Well now that we are separated I do not think that we should do the same as we have done before, but my ten year old is insisting that we have it at her dads like always. To make matters worse it's my 16 year olds Birthday(Dec.24th she will be 17)
My H & I are still civil to one another, but I am afraid that he might think that by me doing this I am willing to get back together. He is still in denial over the whole situation.
If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE let me know! I would really appreciate it!
Thanks,
Lola.
A little back ground: My H & I have been separated since Oct.15th.I moved out. We have been married 22yrs, have two daughters 16 & 10. We have always spent Christmas Eve at our house with both sides of our families. Everyone would come over spend time together, exchange gifts etc.
Well now that we are separated I do not think that we should do the same as we have done before, but my ten year old is insisting that we have it at her dads like always. To make matters worse it's my 16 year olds Birthday(Dec.24th she will be 17)
My H & I are still civil to one another, but I am afraid that he might think that by me doing this I am willing to get back together. He is still in denial over the whole situation.
If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE let me know! I would really appreciate it!
Thanks,
Lola.

I wouldn't put it as strongly as the pp, but I can tell you that we are celebrating Christmas together *for the kids.*
As someone once said to me, the kids want you back together whether you are together on Xmas or not. Being together on Xmas won't make them want you to get back together. Does that make sense to you?
My kids want to be with their mom and their dad; they don't want to spend Christmas MISSING one of us -- how miserable is that.
Also, a similar question was asked on another forum I visit and two folks who had divorced parents spoke up. One said how she HATED being divided up on the holidays -- miserable for many years. The other said how her parents were amazing and handled their pain so that their children could share both parents for major holidays and events. She said they were role models to her of how to do it RIGHT.
Not every divorced/divorcing couple can do it; everyone's situation is different, but those are my thoughts.
GL!
M
You don't know how your words made me look at the situation in a whole different, unselfish, open & caring way. I will do it, just seeing my kids happy will be worth it all! I guess I just needed little kick in the a** (& I mean that w/luv). After all in the end to me my kids are my #1 priority. Hope You & your family have a Wonderful Holiday!
Thank You!
Lola
Thanks for your post. You're so right about how the kids feel when it comes to their parents. My 10yr old is handling the separation ok as long as she sees that we are still nice to each other & there is no fighting going on. Maybe this will be a way for them to accept the situation a little bit better ( I know that it will always be hard) by them knowing even if we are not together as a couple, we will always be a family in a different but positive way. Maybe?
Thanks again for your kind words.
Happy Holidays to you & your family!
Lola
Don't worry about what your STBX may or may not think.... my EX very quickly realized that my agreeing to do things "together" was more about the kids than my feelings toward him... and most of all, it's really reassuring for the kids (That you can be divorced/divorcing and still be civil) to see you "together" but not living together.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~