please tell me how you did it.....
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| Thu, 12-20-2007 - 4:11pm |
Hi everyone. my name is amanda, I'm 21 and a mother to a 9 month old baby girl. I have been with the my daughter's father for a little over 3 years. His name is Chris. We've had a rocky relationship since day one. I would love to hear from other people who left relationships what was your reasons? what was the point when you realized that you didn't want this anymore? and how did you do it? are you happy now or do you regret it? Here's my story...
Chris and I went to high school together. We knew who eachother were but we really never said anything to eachother except a hey sometimes. He was already engaged to his high school sweetheart. At the time he was 18 and she was 15. They didn't have that great of a relationship, I knew that he had cheated on her numerous times and I had heard that they fought a lot. Well, after he graduated they broke up and a few weeks later he got my number from a mutual friend and called me. We went a few nights later and honestly it didn't go that great. We didn't have a lot in common, but I had liked him for so long I wanted to see if it would get better. He was a big partier. Everynight was a party at his house and he was always drunk. I had never been around that, never been drunk(i was 18 at the time) and I knew he had a problem. He would get very mean sometimes when he was drunk, he didn't care if he hurt my feelings. One night we were hanging out with some friends playing twister and I turned around and I saw him kiss one of our friends on the back of her neck. I got mad but she was married, so if her husband didn't mad why should I? well, later that night, they were both playing around and he pulled her down and started acting like he was giving her oral sex! I was devasted and left. A few hours later I was still angry and went over there and he turned it around on me and I was the one who ended up apologizing.
Before I started dating chris I was involved with a guy named Adam. We had been friends for a few years and started dating on Christmas eve of 2004(i was 17) He was a great boyfriend and we had that connection that I had never had with anyone else. When I turned 18 I decided to break up with him and enjoy some single time, and I regret that decision ever since. I still talk to his sister(she's 35 and a counselor at a university, so I turn to her alot for advice) and his mom. Is that bad?
Back to me and Chris...okay, he couldn't leave jessica(his ex) alone, he would call her, text her, she'd call him, she even come over to his house. I was doing the exact same thing, honestly. i was still calling adam, sometimes going to his house. If Chris found his number in my phone I would never lie to him, i would tell him the whole truth, and he'd say "I don't know why you need to talk to him, I don't talk to jessica and she doesn't talk to me!" but later when I'd check his phone(Why should I have to do that!?) there would be her number and along with a few text messages. He would lie to me about everything! He made me throw away everything from ex boyfriends, pictures, gifts, notes, etc, but I found out later that he had a box of stuff from jessica still, including a pair of her panties and a dildo that they use to use(GROSS!) After I found out I made him throw away everything and I watched him do it. I started college in fall of 05 and I would miss half of my classes because either he'd beg me to stay home, or I'd be too scared that if I left he'd end of cheating on me , so I quit and I regret that more than anything!
Things got better for a while and we moved in together and a few months later I was pregnant. I was still talkign to Adam every once and a while, which I know is bad, but he's such a good friend, I had no one else to talk to because chris made me stop hanging out with all of mine. My whole pregnancy I worked a full time job and he never helped out with anything! I did everything even up to the day before I delivered! I cleaned, cooked, laundry, cleaned up the yard, everything. He didn't care to even give me the littilest bit of help! A few months after I delivered I left Chris and moved in with my mom and dad. I started talking to Adam again. and things in my life where looking up. I felt good with adam. But I hated seeing him with my daughter, I dont' know why, that's the one good thing about Chris, he is a good father to her, and to see adam with my daughter made me angry and sad. Plus, our sex life was nothing like it use to be. That may sound shallow, but you all have to agree that a sex life is a big part of a relationship. Things didnt actually bounce back to their pre baby state(if you get what I mean) and his ***** isn't exactly huge, so it made me uncomfortable because I felt like I couldn't please him and he couldn't please me. So, I broke off the relationship and ended back up with Chris.
I regreted my decision but it was better for brianna because I could stay at home with her. A few weeks later though I found out something that would forever change the way I looked at chris. A friend of ours came over and told me that chris had slept with what I thought was my best friend, over 2 years ago. I had thought it had happened back then, and I had even asked him, numerous times, and he always denyed it. I'd even asked her! I ended it and I was devasted. i always kinda thought they had, but neither of them would admit it so I had nothing to go on. I had honestly cheated on him also, but I had told him about it the day after. He could've left, we didn't have our daughter then, but he choose to stay. I told him just because I did it to you doesn't give you a "get out of jail free card". I confronted the girl about it and she denyed it at first, but a few weeks ago she finally admitted it. But her story is different than Chris's so I don't know who to believe. He said it happened once, after the fact that he had found out about me cheating and afterwards he stopped talking(I did notice that around April of last year they no longer wanted to talk, he didn't want her to come over, but I never really gave it much thought, he said it happened around march) she said it happened in like August of 05(which was before I cheated) and it happened twice afterwards and he kept begging for it until April, and she said no because she couldnt do it to me anymore and that's why he stopped talking to her. So I guess I'll never know who is telling the truth.
We stayed broken up for about 2 weeks and it was me who begged him to come back, I don't know why. We do have some good times, but most of the time I'm miserable. I don't know if we could fix our relationship or not. The last time we broke up he threathened to take our daughter. and that devasted me! my daughter is the only light I have in my life! He knows that I'm a great mother to her. He gets so mad so easily and I'm not sure what he'll do. In the past we got into a fight and he was walking to the door to leave and I grabbed his arm and when I did he jerked his arm and his elbow busted my lip open(I ended up saying I'm sorry for that, and even to this day he says it's my fault for that happening) he's also said that if he ever caught me cheating on him that he'd kill us both and the other day we got into a fight in the car and later that night he said he could've shot me in the car and not thought twice about it. Afterwards he says he didn't mean it, that he was just exaggerating, but it's scary because he does own a pistol and he doesn't exactly come from the sanest of families. Plus he use to say that he was the devil's son. Sometimes he can be really scary, but sometimes he's the sweestest guy in the world.
I just want to know if anyone has ever been in a really bad relationship and worked it out? and what would others in my place do? I would love to hear other people's stories! also,if you are single parent how did you make it? I dn't have a job right now. daycare here is around 150 a week. I cant go back to college until I pay 400 dollars in lab fees that i never paid before i quit. I dont' qualify for finacial aid because of my student loan is past due. I feel so helpless, but I'm sure someone out there had it worse than me. i would love to hear your story!
