How to create distance when kids are inv

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
How to create distance when kids are inv
21
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 7:51pm

How do I create distance when children are involved?
I cant take it anymore! He is cold, cruel and heartless. He is horrible to me on the phone most of the time (unless he think he is getting his way) and just about the same in person. I cant take it anymore. How can he hurt me as much as he has and be so cold and heartless. I could never bear to hurt another person as much as he hurt me. I could not live with myself. He destroyed our family, left without a word, at night and tried to take his 2 bio kids and left the 2 step kids *he has raised* behind. He harasses me whenever he hears something that the kids said that he feels he can use against me. (like my boys riding my sisters snowmobile without helmets. its a very old machine, only goes like 15 MPH and her boyfriend was out there all the time)
I never want to see him or talk to him again. I never want to hear his voice or be in the same room as him again. I want him to go away and leave us alone to move on and live a happy life without him trying to drag us down too.

How the HECK do I get past the pain right now? I am exhausted and cant sleep, never want to eat, never want to be alone, nights are hardest...

I just dont know....

It sounds like I need some distance from him, but HOW THE HECK can I get that?

Liz

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 7:56pm

"I want him to go away and leave us alone to move on and live a happy life without him trying to drag us down too."


This is your emotional

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 8:01pm

Why cant he just leave us alone? Why can he have his cake and eat it too?
Why does he get to destroy the family and have rights to the children? And not pay child support on top of that?

Why am I the only one suffering here. Crying almost every day still.

WHY!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 12:34pm

Hi Liz,


I don't know how old your children are, but I am seperated from my H and felt the need to create distance between H & I and take some control. I have a 3 year old,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 1:34pm

Don't feel like you're the only one who has been where you are... you're not... I asked myself the same questions several years ago when I was going through my separation...


even afterwards, when my son would get sick, I would get angry because I would always be the one to take my vacation time off to take care of sick child whereas xh could work and use his vacation for VACATION...


Its OK to feel this way and feeling this way is part of the process... I do not know if you are separated or if you are still existing together, but if you are separated and your main form of communication is the phone, start by limiting discussions to certain topics... your children, child support, shared financial accounts, and things like that... if he starts getting rude or disrespectful on the phone, maintain your cool and warn him once, if you cannot change your tone I will hang up... and if he doesn't, hang up right then and there...


If you find that the two of you cannot communicate over the phone w/o it disintergrating into something worse, then eliminate the phone calls right now and only communicate via email.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 6:40pm

I am trying to do all the right things.... he is just being impossible. He is only happy and nice when he is getting what he wants.
Today he started attacking me at the house because I would not let him take the girls unsupervised, and he said "good thing I filed for an emergency custody hearing"
OY

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 7:39pm

Liz,


Are you documenting all of this, so you have a record that you can refer back to should he choose to do that?

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 7:52pm
I have a journal... thats it. Maybe this has been spurned by him knowing I am seeing my lawyer Wednesday....
Dunno.
Liz
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 8:05pm
Could be... those sorts of things can cause some crazy behavior at times... Ask your lawyer what kind of documentation he recommends... your stbx cannot continue to harrass you... *hugs*

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 8:10pm
I hope we can work on something to prevent him from harassing me like this. Its very destructive. I work hard at trying to trust him, and allow the children to go with him... and he is just a nutter!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 9:48pm
I know exactly what you mean, i've been divorced now for 6 months and the anger is still so hot in me.

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