Should I stayor should I go.....=(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2007
Should I stayor should I go.....=(
4
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 9:14pm
Hello-- I am sad to say that I am posting here =( I joined ivillage 10 years ago, anticipating the birth of my first child. (i have 3 now)This website was a huge source of support many years ago, I hope I can find support and help here now. I have been married for 10 years. H and just cannot seem to get along. We mostly fight about the kids and how to discipline/handle them. But we also fight about us. I just don't feel the love anymore. HE is very happy and agreeable as long as I am not voicing my opinion or disagreeing with him about the way he is handling the kids , etc. So, in other words....as long as
I keep my mouth shut, we will get along fine. I am a dream to him,. I am SO
good to him. I can't even begin to list what I do for him. But I do these things out of LOVE for him. I love him VERY much. However, I do not feel the same FROM him. He spends quitek, a bit of time with his brother. THis includes going over his brother's house on the weekends 'til all hours of the night. In fact, he came home at 4 am last night and when I asked what they were doing, I was told it was none of my business. HE claims this morning that he got nasty with me because I got nasty with him first. EXCUSE ME, I was just making sure you weren't DEAD on the side of the road somewhere!!!!!ANyway, about a month ago, I said I was going to get a job (I am a SAHM) and i was going to find a place to live. HE agreed, but said we should stay in the house and he would move out and pay the mort for us. I guess I was so upset that he agreed to it, I cried for hours, and he cried a little bit (mostly because he would miss the kids, it definately wasnt over me.)HE hugged me and said we would be okay, and everything would work out. WE'd gotten along great over the holidays (still had 2 big fights)but i'm having kind of a realization that the holidays were just icing on the cake. It's just not feeling like it's working, especially since what happened last night. AFter he said it wasn't any of my business, then called me stupid for saying I was worried. I am sorry for rambling on and on and on. The words are just pouring out through the tears and am more or less just letting a lot off of my chest..............i am so sad. =(At this point I am going to start a resume on Monday and actively look for a job. I have a feeling I will be frequenting this board very soon. Thanks for listening to me.................Cyndi
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2006
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 10:34pm

Hi Cyndi -


Sorry to hear you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 8:24am

Third,


I would strongly encourage the two of you to see a marriage counselor - together and separately. You need objectivity - both of you - and both of you need someone else to help each other see how it is you are each contributing to discord in your marriage.


If he refuses to go with you - go yourself. You need objectivity just as much and a good counselor can help you sort out the issues and find tools to help you cope. Whether or not you actually divorce, it's very helpful to have some coaching.


It may be a good idea to get a job outside of the home any way. The fact you have a job may help tip the balance of power to a degree where you can cope.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 11:20am

Cyndi and Lynn, I completely understand what you're both going through - both sound amazingly similar to my own situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2006
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 12:55pm

Hi Jennifer -