Anyone ever D for sex reasons ONLY?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
Anyone ever D for sex reasons ONLY?
4
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 7:26pm

Hi,


I've been married 17 years, I'm 43 and have two boys, 12 and 5. We had a very happy m until three years ago (can you say Mid Life Crisis??) when I suddenly woke up and realized that I had been the one to initiate sex 100% of the time for 14 years. I stopped initiating and sex ground to a complete halt (and I do mean complete). I suddenly started feeling unloved and unfulfilled. After warning him that I would have an affair if this did not get better, I went and did just that. I barely recovered from that (no discovery) and then

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 10:07pm

My husband would.....He is always the one to initiate it and hates it...but that is not the whole reason we are currently seperated.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 8:56am

Legg,


Read your own sentence here: "I do still love H. I always have, and I still picture myself with him forever. I cannot IMAGINE disrupting my home or my children's lives. I still have romantic feelings for him."


Legg, based on your own words, I think you are being very selfish and self-centered.


Love is a choice. Love means making compromises, sacrifices, and yes, sometimes it means you carry the ball, and yes, sometimes 100% of the time. What you need to remember is the overall goal here: to have a happy, fulfilling marriage.


Frankly Legg, I'd have to say to you SO WHAT if you have to initiate sex 100% of the time! Your husband apparently responds (or you wouldn't have 2 children together) and for the past 14 years you've had a satifsying sexual relationship with him. So....SO WHAT if you have to get it going?


If you truly love your husband and your children and your dearest wish is not disrupt your home then I think you need to choose to love your husband (and your family) and put them ahead of yourself. So pick up the reins again on sex.


I also strongly encourage you to enter marriage counseling. Go with your husband if he will go; go yourself if he won't. YOU need help sorting out why you suddenly decided to be so selfish. I have no idea why you have to initiate sex with your husband but a counselor may help you discover that too.


As for your spouse, I would highly recommend he have a physical. I also recommend he see a counselor solo. There's no telling why he won't initiate sex, perhaps there's something in his background or upbringing that blocks that from him. Perhaps its medical. He won't know until he asks.


This won't be easy but it's much, much better than raining down havoc and grief on your household with divorce.


Best wishes,

CL-Wisdomtooth2020


Learn to spell. Some commonly misspelled words on this board:


They're = contraction of "they are"; They're going to the store.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 3:31pm

Thanks for replying, I really appreciate it!


WT I agree with half my mind and disagree with the other. We have been through counseling. I have been through counseling. We have been through sex therapy (ST says he is not low libido as he will do it if I initiate).

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 7:38pm

I have the same problem and got tired of it.