I finally did it! Asked for the divorce.
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I finally did it! Asked for the divorce.
| Mon, 01-07-2008 - 11:17pm |
I've been seperated for two months and have known since then that there was no going back. However, I'd been completely unable to tell my husband that I was done completely and wanted a divorce. He wanted to work on things and though I really didn't want to anymore, I just could never look him in the face and tell him that. I still care for him but its been obvious for a long time that it wasn't going to work. I spent years trying, he only wanted to try after I left. There was nothing left in me to give. The last week I've been in misery knowing I really needed to tell him but no idea how, it just never seemed like there was a good time, and I believed I needed to do it in person.. My mom and a good friend both finally convinced me that it didn't need to be done that way. So I wrote him a letter last night, took off work today and edited. I finally went over and dropped it off at his place tonight. He should be getting it right about now. I don't know if I ever could have done it in person but I'm glad I've finally told him. I had to leave everything behind in order to leave him and I have a long road ahead to rebuild my life and I couldn't focus on anything with this hanging over my head. I know we still have to get through the actual divorce but this was the absolute hardest part. I've spent so much time worrying about him, that I couldn't move forward with my own life. I don't know what's going to happen now, but I'm glad I've finally told him what I need.

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I wish I could say it worked like a charm, but he called me right after he got the letter and tried to talk me into working on it more. I tried to stick by my guns, and I did mostly but I couldn't just say "no" and hang up the phone, which is probably the only thing he'd understand (I'm not even sure anymore if that would work). Oh well, back to my therapist to figure out what to do now. At least I've finally said it, now its just convincing him that I mean it and not me being too chicken to tell him at all.
I'm trying to decide if giving him more time will give him a better chance to accept it, so we can end on good terms but I might be deluding myself. I don't want this to drag out indefinately.
By the way, it took three people who talked to in succession to convince me I didn't have to end it with him in person, it took me two days to write the letter (one day I called in sick to work) and another pep-talk to get me to deliver the letter (I dropped it off at his
You are one step farther... and that's progress!
Talk to an attorney--that will really help to settle your "nerves" and put to rest a lot of the "what if's"... and don't answer the phone when he calls.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Blue,
how long did it take you to get to this point?
(((I've spent so much time worrying about him, that I couldn't move forward with my own life.)))
This is exactly what I am up against. I just can't do it.
Im on the other end. My husband wanted to leave and didnt tell me. I just spent the last year of my life working my butt off and loosing myself in the process.
About 2 weeks ago. Because of the yo-yo (he would see me cry and hurt because i didnt understand and he would pull me back in.; I would sit there
Becca,
I am so, so sorry for your pain. However, your words really helped me. I know that with me being the one that wants to end my marriage you probably have no sympathy, but what you said to me was truly a gift and your willingness to do that after what you've been through is remarkable.
Belle,
You couldnt be more wrong. There are no winners here. I have ready so many posts from people who have a horrible time. A husband leaves and doesnt care weather they live or die. There is a difference here. Both you and my husband still care deeply for us. But realized that you just didnt want to be married.
There are no books. No one to say, this is how you do it. There is only the REAL and hard pain on both sides. If anything you should be proud of yourself that you were doing the very best to try and not hurt him further. My husband has said some of the exact same things you have. That he loves me, that im a wonderful mother. That im his best friend. But he cannot be married to me he just isnt happy.
Thats fair. Being
i had to tell my STBX the same thing, and it was so hard, and i did it in person.
hardest thing i have ever had to do, but i have never regretted it for a second!
just know that you can make it through, there is light on the other side, and that you've got people praying for you.
-lisa-
life isn't always by the book....
http://life-by-the-book.blogspot.com
life isn't always by the book....
http://life-by-the-book.blogspot.com
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