24 and divorced. will it get better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
24 and divorced. will it get better?
5
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 12:08pm

i met my husband, thought we fell in love, got married, were married for 9 months,
thought things were great between us, we argued some, but we're both young and that's normal,
all of the sudden, out of nowhere, he tells me he wants a divorce. says he thinks we got married too young
that we didn't really know each other (i disagree, i felt i knew completely who he was).
within a week he leaves for his moms and sends divorce papers in the mail and that's it.

he "loves me and cares about me, and wants to always be my friend. we're good at being best friends!".

needless to say, my heart has been ripped out. this is someone i thought i was going to spend my life
with and have children with and all of the sudden, it's over for him and he's flipped the switch on our love.
he told me recently that "i think you'll see one day that you never really loved me".
needless to say (again), i know this isn't true...i committed my heart and my body to him for life and here he
is telling me that "i never loved him, or i wouldn't argue with him"....at first i looked at myself and thought "ok,
is he right? am I arguing with HIM too much about nothing??" i honestly can say no. at first i beat myself up emotionally and wept endlessly and hated myself for losing him.

what i think is maybe that he never really loved me, like THAT, like a WIFE and that he feels guilty
about it and that's why he's trying to grasp at anything to make it my fault. i know that i was a good wife and
loyal and supportive. like i mentioned, we argued, but it was never anything serious. my parents have argued
my whole life, but are still together (going on 27 years) and i know that they love each other more than anything.
it's just part of being in a relationship! you argue, you get over it, and that's what we always did.

we met, and i fell in love, and he of course, loved me, and we became great friends and i think he thought
he wanted to marry me, but once we got married he realized that he really only cared for me as a friend
(even though he obviously liked "getting some" too..since i saved my virginity for our marriage).

i kind of feel like he married me, got what he wanted out of me and then realized he just wanted to go back
to being friends and not have to deal with answering to a wife in his life right now (he's 26). of course he still wants
to be friends, but i know that isn't reality, because as soon as he gets a girlfriend it will be like he's hurting me
all over again.

i just need to be told that it will be ok. that i'm still young and that i can, someday, trust someone enough
to be in love again. and that maybe, just maybe there actually is someone out there who will love me and
not abandon me 9 months into our marriage. i don't think my heart or mind or body could take that kind
of shock again. i am a young girl and i thought that i had found the one to be with always, and he completely
broke his promises to me and left me high and dry. is there any hope in life for love. will this pain in my
heart and body and mind eventually lessen? it's been 2 months and my body is still under attack from the stress
and the shock and the heartbreak. i just want to know someday that it wont hurt like this and that i'll be
able to love again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 12:32pm
I too am 24 and looking at divorce. Because I am on the other side, I am the one asking for it, it is easier to see the future for me. Of course it will get better. We've barely started our lives. We've been adults only for a very short time. We'll get back in the game, continue with our careers, and be happier than we've ever been before. It might not happen tomorrow, but we are capable of repairing our lives, hearts, and minds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 3:41pm

Hi! I don't really have any advice for you..sorry. My oldest daughter was married at age 23 for just over a year. Unfortunatley, she became pregnant, and they married for 'love', but also for the baby. They fought often, but I personally think neither one of them tried very hard.


It has been over a year since their quick divorce. He has moved on..new girlfriend and such, and keeps himself busy in his band (he is the drummer)


She hasnt been doing so well. She has majority custody of their child, but their fighting continues due to him not wanting to be a father to their son. My daughter also is hung up on her ex having a gf and thinks she is still in love with her ex. I have told her to seek counseling, but between her working fulltime, going to school fulltime and caring for the boy, she just hasnt found time.


She has gotten quite cynical over men in general. She thought she had married for life too, and is still crushed. I would hate to see this happen to any young person!


I have had my fair share of plenty of heartache and am still going through my second divorce. I would love to swap my age (42) for yours and do things over, but alas, that is impossible.


Keep strong, get support from your family and friends, and seek proffessional help if you feel that you are in any way to blame.


Wishing you strength and peace~

~Lisa  =))

 

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 7:42pm

I was 26 when I left my first husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 8:39pm
than you all. i really appreciate everyones words of encouragement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2008
Mon, 01-14-2008 - 10:20pm
I know how you feel. I also believed marriage was a lifetime commitment. The point is that you promise to be there for each other even when things are hard. Too bad my soon to be ex husband didn't feel the same way. I'm not sure he even understands the meaning of the word commitment. I caught him cheating after months of him lying to me. We have only been married 2 1/2 years. I truly thought marriage would be a one time thing for me. I know it will get better but right